I Married a Vampire (1987)

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You’re not going to get a lot of butts in seats for a movie in which a woman marries a vampire without titling that film I Married a Vampire, but that reveal would be a little more fun if you were able to go into a screening without that knowledge. Of course, the fact that marriage to a bloodsucker is the inevitable outcome of this story is made clear from the outset, when young Viola (Rachel Golden) picks up her parents from the airport in an unnamed city; they’ve arrived in town after learning secondhand from Viola’s sister that she’s gotten married, and are insistent on meeting her new husband. Of course, before she brings mom and dad home, she’s got to give them the whole story of how she met her undead husband …

Two months earlier, Viola lands in not-New York (the end credits thank the city of Boston, but no notable landmarks of any kind are seen in any of her exploration montages) and is ready to start her life anew, far from Iowa. Unfortunately, she falls victim to all of the various swindles that eighties metropoles had to offer; she ends up in a disgusting apartment after getting swindled by a shady landlord, is robbed and grifted by her supposed poet neighbor Portia, gets stiffed for a heavy retainer by a lawyer who promises to help her get her money back from the landlord, gets pressured into giving up her last bit of savings to the cult of Muhammad Buddha Christ, and can only find work as a night cleaner for a man who sexually assaults her. All of this finally starts to change when her co-worker Olivia introduces Viola to her “brother” Robespiere [sic] (Brendan Hickey). Viola, to her credit, immediately cottons on to the fact that they’re vampires, but she later laughs off her suspicions as the result of too much beer and the lingering effects of a horror movie double feature. When she returns to Robespiere when she’s run out of options, she finds herself a new woman, charged with the confidence she needs to get her savings back from the grifters, and if they put up a fight, her new beau can take them out. 

There are some genuinely wonderful performances and sequences in I Married a Vampire, even if the film gets off to a sluggish start. Viola’s parents, Morris and Doris, are an interesting pair, since they’re both grumps who are blind to their poor parenting in different ways. Morris, for his part, is quite funny, while Doris’s haranguing of her wayward daughter is less fun. The script is pretty sharp from the get-go, and one gets the impression that writer/director Jay Raskin had a vision that he came close to fulfilling here, but was ultimately restrained by the budget provided him as a result of this being a Troma-level production. Once we get the framing device set-up out of the way, the actual narrative gets underway, and we get to meet a fantastic cast of awful characters. First, Viola encounters Mr. Gluttonshire, who tries to pick her up under the impression that she’s a sex worker. Then, she meets Mr. Keeper, the landlord who tells her that she won’t be able to find a place for $300 a month, but sets her up with an infested shoebox studio for $400… plus a finder’s fee and the deposit ($1000 total, or about $3300 in 2026), eating up a third of the money she worked hard to save for her move. When night falls, she learns that her unit abuts a loud rock venue that also fills her entire apartment with flashing lights. 

It’s in this sequence that we meet Portia (Temple Aaron), who all but steals the show. She’s exactly the kind of street-savvy gutter-dweller that you’ve met before, in the movies if nowhere else. She tells Viola that she’s a poet, and that she writes song lyrics for rock bands, and that she can get Viola a great deal on a stereo, only $50! She also explains that the reason they have no water is because they’re connected to the club next door, and they only have water pressure when there’s a good band (when the music is good, no one’s using the bar bathroom, so they’re not competing with the constant flushing for water), which happens every two or three months. Only someone as naive as Viola would be capable of falling for Portia’s obvious bullshit, but it’s charming in its way, and Portia is a tragic figure in her own right. I genuinely believed that she was going to end up on the business end of Robespiere’s fangs once Viola gets her understated revenge later, but she’s the only one who gets off relatively easy, as the vampire merely hypnotizes her to stop lying to and stealing from her friends. 

It’s here, in this circumvention of the expectation of how violent this will be, that this stands out for a Troma release. They’re never classy movies, and this one certainly isn’t that, but it demonstrates restraint in areas that other Troma-branded flicks don’t. It’s notable in the quiet, non-bloody, non-gory story resolution that Portia gets, but also in the understated nature of the revenge Robespiere enacts for Viola. You hear “Troma” and think that you’re going to get some geysers of blood or at least some viscera, but most of the violence occurs offscreen, with no gross-out bits at all. Even more shockingly, although Viola is violated by Mr. Gluttonshire, there’s no titillation factor and the film doesn’t use it as an excuse to force the lead actress’s top off. I’m not saying that the N.O.W. should be giving Jay Raskin an award or anything, but for a flick from the studio that brought you Stuff Stephanie in the Incinerator, it’s almost admirable. There’s no real violence, we don’t see any of it, and when it’s over, Viola is still fully clothed; it feels almost modest.

The romance between Viola and Robespiere is dreadfully dull, unfortunately, and the sequences wherein she goes to all of her antagonists and asks for her money back, is laughed at, and then gets her revenge via supernatural husband gets a little repetitive. The film runs out of steam once it stops being about all of the nasty urbanites who prey on naive farm girls and watching Viola tolerate it all like she’s the protagonist of Samuel Richardson’s Pamela. Normally, the revenge portion of these films is supposed to be where all the fun happens, but I Married a Vampire is a little frontloaded with scuzzballs, which means that it doesn’t quite finish as strongly as it ought to, which is likely why it’s mostly forgotten. It’s still well worth checking out, however; just know you’re likely to get distracted in the back half. 

-Mark “Boomer” Redmond

Boomer’s Best-of-the-Year Oversights, Part Two (2020-2024)

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In one of our recent end-of-the-year podcast episodes that was partially inspired by my having finally been convinced to watch The Twentieth Century based on my delight in director Matt Rankin’s follow-up feature Universal Language (it was my favorite movie of last year!), Brandon read off a list of film titles that he asked me to identify as a kind of makeshift quiz. Those titles were all films that had been on the Swampflix Top Ten list for their eligible year, and which I had not seen at the time of the relevant list’s publication. I’m not a completionist by nature, but with an upcoming collaborative project, I took that list as homework and got to work filling out these blind spots to determine if the listed films would have made my own end-of-the-year list if I had seen them in time. Part One of that journey can be found here. Now, come along with me for part two: 2020-2024.

2020: Boomer’s List vs. Swampflix’s List

Deerskin – Watched March 27, 2024

Upon Review: I, like Brandon, consistently find myself drawn to the work of Quentin Dupieux. Rubber was heavily discussed in the pretentious collegiate film circles I ran with in my youth and I had an absolute hoot of a time with Smoking Causes Coughing, which was on my 2023 end of the year list. This one somehow just slipped past me when it came out, but I did finally watch it over a year ago, and it’s stuck with me. This film, about a jacket that compels its owner to go to increasingly violent lengths in order to ensure that it is the only jacket in the world (although whether this is actually an act by a conscious entity or merely the main character’s delusion is ambiguous), is a lot of fun. Dupieux could probably have made the whole film work on that premise alone, but the complication of a local woman who buys his story that he’s in town to make a documentary starts to cut together his murder footage into something coherent, the film really goes above and beyond. 4.5 stars.

Would it have made my list? Yes, absolutely.

The Wolf House – Watched March 18, 2026

Upon Review: A marvelous picture, top to bottom. Animation in styles I’ve never seen before or ever even considered were possible. The film is an in-universe propaganda piece about obeying your overseers in the form of a fairy tale that vacillates between stop motion, nontraditional versions of traditional animation styles in the form of time lapse painting directly onto a wall, filled with images both beautiful and grotesque. A masterpiece. 4.5 stars.

Would it have made my list? Yes.

Swallow – Watched February 17, 2026

Upon Review: This film was released in March of 2020, which is why I didn’t see it. I was planning to, however, as I was anxiously anticipating its release after seeing trailers for it for a couple of months that led up to lockdown. Unlike a lot of people (who survived the pandemic), I was not someone who was suddenly blessed with an abundance of free time to make sourdough or practice guitar; my lockdown experience was a constant vacillation between twelve hour workdays and primal, rodent-like fear about the future. I don’t even remember learning that this one had ever come to streaming, and while that’s unfortunate, I also don’t think that I would have appreciated this one in its time. Perhaps it’s because Swallow, unlike The Lighthouse, is primarily concerned with the quiet, hidden, self-destructive habits that emerge from the unholy marriage of isolated boredom and previous traumas, while The Lighthouse’s frenetic madness was much more like what I experienced in quarantine. Haley Bennett is wonderful here in her understated feelings of inadequacy in the presence of her in-law social betters who are universally her moral inferiors, and I loved the performance from Elizabeth Marvel as her seemingly warm but ultimately villainous mother-in-law. 4.5 stars. 

Would it have made my list? No, but for the wrong reasons. I wouldn’t have been in the headspace to appreciate this when I would have gotten the chance to see it. 

Possessor – Watched February 11, 2026

Upon Review: This one simply slipped past me in the stream. The Lagniappe Podcast crew watched 2012’s Antiviral in 2023, the same year that Infinity Pool released, and although I very much enjoyed the older film, I could only recognize Infinity Pool for its technical accomplishments as I could not connect with it in the least (Brandon was much more positive). A couple of years ago, I remembered that Possessor was well received at Swampflix, but I ended up watching Malignant (which I disliked but which, again, Brandon had more positive things to say about) instead due to some confusion and am only now working my way back to this one. What a ride! Possessor is an absolutely fantastic piece of art from start to finish. Andrea Riseborough plays a woman who, under guidance from Jennifer Jason Leigh, hijacks the bodies of innocent people through technological trickery and then uses them to assassinate targets. Her most recent possessee is Christopher Abbot, and as she starts to lose herself in more ways than one, she ends up fighting for domination of his body, while he manages to get a glimpse of her family and turns what shambles of a life she has upside down as he tries to figure out what’s happening to him. Gorgeously shot, masterfully performed, drenched in color, and featuring an appearance from Tiio Horn, one of my favorite underrated Canadian performers, this was a delight. 5 stars. 

Would it have made my list? Yes, absolutely.

The Twentieth Century – Watched December 4, 2025

Upon Review: The viewing of this film for our 2025 retrospective on previous films by some of our favorite directors of that year precipitated the very project that you’re currently reading. Director Matthew Rankin’s 2025 feature Universal Language was my favorite film of the year, and The Twentieth Century is an even more delightful picture, an utterly demented look at the career of W.L.M. King, a not particularly well remembered Canadian Prime Minister, complete with visits to “The Flesh Pits of Winnipeg,” whack-a-mole seal clubbing as part of the candidacy for governance, and the future of our neighbors to the north being determined by an ice skating race through a mirrored labyrinth. One of the funniest movies that I have ever seen. 5 stars. 

Would it have made my list? Absolutely; it would have hit the top 5.

2021: Boomer’s List vs. Swampflix’s List

Barb and Star Go to Vista Del Mar – Watched February 20, 2026

Upon Review: Part Josie and the Pussycats, part Romy and Michele, part SNL sketch, and just a dash of Muriel’s Wedding, this Kristen Wiig/Annie Mumolo North Dakota besties-on-vacation comedy is a delight. I love it when a comedy is so perfectly constructed that it scratches that same little itch in one’s brain that a cleverly crafted mystery story does. Everything pays off in the end: the sharp seashell bracelets, the seafood festival queen’s bizarre human cannonball tradition, and even an ocean spirit named Trish. All that, and Jamie Dornan sings to a seagull while flexing on a beach. What more could one ask for? 4.5 stars. 

Would it have made my list? Yes.

Mandibles – Watched January 24, 2026

Upon Review: I didn’t have much fun with this one for its first half, which features two clinically brain dead losers stumbling upon a captive giant fly and coming up with a hairbrained scheme to teach it to rob banks on their behalf. Upon discovery of the beast, they spend some time trying to find a location to “train” it, eventually discovering a remote trailer home whose occupant they force out and which the slightly taller and dumber of the two almost immediately burns down in a cooking mishap. From there they set out on the road to refuel their (stolen) car, at which point they run into a woman who believes that the taller idiot is her high school athlete boyfriend, and invites the two of them to her parents’ home for a bit. This is where things started to become much funnier and more enjoyable, as there is a woman (Adèle Exarchopoulos) there who can’t control her vocal volume, and the film never lets up on its comedy from there. At a breezy eighty minutes, this is worth sitting through the less exciting first half to get to the hilarious last forty. 4 stars. 

Would it have made my list? Yes.

Lapsis – Watched January 27, 2026

Upon Review: This one feels even more prescient now than it did five years ago. A man with limited employable skills takes a gig economy job as a “cabler,” which involves him going on physically demanding hikes to run miles and miles of electronic cord to connect quantum computers that appear to be used almost solely for financial transactions. The impetus for this is the ongoing chronic illness from which his younger brother seemingly suffers; on the trail, he meets a series of other cablers who fill him in on the backstory of the company, specifically the way that it gamifies obsolescence in the form of forcing the cablers to compete with automatons, and try to introduce him to the concept of collective action. In the past year, I’ve seen my city overrun with driverless cars operated by “Waymo,” and my antipathy toward them makes some people uncomfortable. For me, it was already morally and ethically wrong for rideshare companies to infiltrate urban markets, drive out any taxi/cab infrastructure already in place through lower pricing, then immediately raise those prices sky high the moment that they achieved market dominance. The only positive that came from it was the “agency” that these companies offered to drivers to “be [their] own boss” and “set [their] own hours,” which these new automated rideshares will likewise eventually displace, creating further shareholder value for people who are already rich enough and drive more gig workers into economic desperation. Lapsis, although it occasionally seems like it might be close to running out of steam, creates a dim-witted viewpoint character to try to recite all of the company lines about the positives of gig work and be educated otherwise. It sounds preachy, but the indie film budget, values, and casting of this one make it work. 4 stars. 

Would it have made my list? Yes.

The Power of the Dog – Watched February 27, 2026

Upon Review: I’m not terribly familiar with Jane Campion’s filmography outside of The Piano and her TV work on the Elisabeth Moss series Top of the Lake (which I loved), but if you had asked me to describe what I thought her work was like, I probably would have described Power of the Dog. The film is very well made, featuring gorgeous cinematography of beautiful rural vistas, evocatively portraying the isolation of the Burbank house and its lands, and well-acted by all participants, even Benedict Cumberbatch, who I’m never excited to see on screen. It’s also a movie that left me fairly cold and uninvested despite all of its prestige and craftsmanship. Phil Burbank (Cumberbatch) is a deeply unpleasant man deeply in the closet who mistreats his brother George (Jesse Plemmons), and drives George’s new wife (Kirsten Dunst) to alcoholism via his psychological torment of both her and his new step-nephew, Peter (Kodi Smit-McPhee), who eventually bites back. It’s all very good, but it didn’t connect with me at all, unfortunately. 3.5 stars. 

Would it have made my list? No.

2022: Boomer’s List vs. Swampflix’s List

RRR – Watched February 25, 2026

Upon Review: What an absolute thrill! I’ve been a strong proponent of director S. S. Rajamouli’s work for a long time, ever since I first saw Baahubali 2 on the big screen (for more about that, and for our Lagniappe discussion of both Baahubali films, click here). RRR simply slipped past me in the stream; if it got a theatrical release in my city, I either missed it or was hiding out from the latest COVID variant when it screened, and it came to Netflix after I had cancelled my subscription to that service. I’m terribly sorry to have missed this one, a film about two men who find themselves on seemingly opposite sides of the British Raj of the 1920s: Komaram Bheem (N. T. Rama Rao Jr.), a man from the Gond tribe who comes to New Delhi to find a young girl who was stolen from their village by the wife of the British governor, and Rama Raju (Ram Charan), an Indian quisling working for the British occupiers who has been sent undercover to locate and root out the Gond tribe members who have come to the city. The two of them engage in the physics-defying rescue of a young boy from a train accident aboard a bridge, and the two of them immediately fall into passionate love with one another. This isn’t textual, of course; both have token lady love interests (the sweet English Jenny who sympathizes with the oppressed for Bheem and childhood sweetheart Sita for Raju), but let’s not kid ourselves. At the midpoint of the film, there’s a major twist that I won’t spoil, but it’s a very satisfying upending of all of the pieces on the board at this point, and I found myself coming close to cheering approximately every ten minutes for the film’s final act. Could not recommend more highly. 5 stars. 

Would it have made my list? Yes.

Funny Pages – Watched March 3, 2026

Upon Review: I first noticed actor Daniel Zolghadri in last year’s Lurker, and was pleasantly surprised to see him turn up again as one of Rose Byrne’s obsessed patients in If I Had Legs I’d Kick You. He was so fresh-faced in his clean-shaven role as the would-be date rapist in Eighth Grade that it took quite a while to recognize him there, and that film used his youthful, innocent boyishness effectively by revealing the predatory nature behind his big, dark, trustworthy eyes. Funny Pages, which was sold to me as a Holdovers-esque misadventure between a high schooler and a crabby old man, likewise plays to the beardless Zolghadri’s juvenile naivete by casting him as an utterly irredeemable ingrate who seems to float by on nothing more than other people’s fondness for him. Zolghadri’s Robert is a seventeen year old who witnesses the tragic death of his beloved art teacher and decides to drop out of school to pursue his dream of being a cartoonist. To this end, he moves into a hellish basement apartment and takes a job working at the DA’s office as a floating office assistant, where he comes into contact with Wallace (Matthew Maher), a dangerous and unwell man who worked for Image Comics years ago, a fact that Robert latches onto. Here’s the thing—I didn’t find this to be funny at all. (I laughed precisely once, when Wallace claimed that “Rob Liefeld’s line work is industry standard.”) That doesn’t mean that I didn’t like it, but what spoke to me here wasn’t the film’s particular brand of dark comedy, which I noticed but didn’t respond to; to me, this is a story about a teenage boy who needs to perform creativity and imagination to give his life meaning, and how he seems to have been groomed to accept mistreatment by authority figures by his relationship with Mr. Katano, the art teacher. The one scene we get before he dies finds him stripping down in his office with Robert and having the boy draw him in a caricature style, and even if it’s not predatory, it’s sufficiently inappropriate that Katano follows Robert in order to elicit promises that the boy didn’t “think it was weird.” From there, Robert ends up moving into a hellish situation that brings Barton Fink to mind and where he finds his constantly sweating older roommates masturbating together over Robert’s vintage Tijuana bibles, and where he fixates on getting Wallace’s approval despite the older man’s anti-social violence, until it ends tragically. Grim stuff. 3 stars. 

Would it have made my list? No.

2023: Boomer’s List vs. Swampflix’s List

Priscilla – Watched January 10, 2026

Upon Review: I’m pretty ambivalent about Sofia Coppola, but a lot of that is probably just lingering apathy about her aughts output. Regardless, this is a solid movie that’s at turns poignant, funny, and stomach-churning. Cailee Spaeny plays Priscilla Presley in an adaptation of her autobiography in which she detailed the years she was courted by Elvis, then the most famous man in the world. Starting when she was a vulnerable fourteen-year-old girl living in Germany at an army base, Priscilla was pursued by the musician and movie star who was a decade older than her. Jacob Elordi as Elvis was the perfect casting, since he towers over the much shorter Spaeny in a visual invocation of their inherent power imbalance. The script plays cleverly with the King; if you didn’t know anything about him, one could easily interpret him as closeted in this film, given that he adamantly denies affairs with his lady co-stars and rejects them as publicity ploys as well as his complete lack of sexual overtures toward Priscilla for years while dressing her up and installing her at Graceland like a doll. His predation is still creepy and unnerving, but it somehow feels less sinister, while allowing the narrative to focus on Priscilla’s boredom with being locked away in his chintzy tower. Good stuff; 4 stars. 

Would it have made my list? No, but it would have made honorable mention. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Mutant Mayhem – Watched January 31, 2026

Upon Review: I definitely watched the late eighties Ninja Turtles in syndication in the early nineties when I was a kid, and although I remember some core concepts about it, it never imprinted on me enough for me to remember the different turtles’ personalities despite them being recited in the opening theme song. I have a fondness, but I’m not invested. I overlooked this one during a really packed summer, and because I saw a trailer for it before Barbie and saw the MPA’s PG rating assumed it was for kids. And, I mean, it is, but it’s a movie about teenaged mutant ninja turtles; it should be. The roster for non-turtle characters here is populated by A-listers and Seth Rogen’s buddies to presumably draw in a periphery demographic, but the turtles themselves are played by actual teen actors who are unknowns (to me), and they bring an energetic freshness to dialogue that manages to stay just this side of overwritten. Visually, this one is quite a treat as well, with some of the most unique animated visuals I’ve seen since the CGI revolution. I made sure to watch this on a Saturday morning, and I’d recommend others do the same. 4 stars. 

Would it have made my list? No, but it would have made honorable mention. 

2024: Boomer’s List vs. Swampflix’s List

The Taste Of Things – Watched April 12, 2026

Upon Review: I put this one off for a long time. I had no doubt that I would enjoy it, but it’s got a whopper of a run time, and I simply kept finding myself in the mood for something different whenever the opportunity arose. All throughout this procrastination, Brandon repeatedly reminded me that this film would be a pure delight, and although I never doubted him, the time was never quite right. At long last, a perfectly overcast weekend came alone, rainy but not stormy, and I whiled away a perfect afternoon in the company of the always-perfect Juliette Binoche and the less familiar Benoît Magimel, but I was nonetheless perfectly and exquisitely transported to Eugenie’s kitchen. A marvel, worthy of all the accolades it received. 

Would it have made my list? Yes.

-Mark “Boomer” Redmond

Crash (1996)

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The first three scenes in David Cronenberg’s Crash are sex scenes. The fourth is a car crash. That, too, turns out to be a form of sex, but it takes a minute for the audience to catch up. We’re introduced to our central couple in peril as they’re having polyamorous sex with other partners, then meet to discuss their extramarital adventures while having sex with each other. In each case, they are in direct contact with heavy machinery, which adds to their excitement. In the first scene, a woman (Deborah Unger) has sex with her flight instructor while her cheek is pressed against the wing of the small airplane she’s learning to pilot. Next, we see her film-producer husband (James Spader) having sex with an assistant camera operator while using the tools of their trade as a makeshift mattress. Then, the married couple convenes on their high-rise balcony, overlooking a dozen lanes of endless traffic as they have semi-public sex in shameless view of the passing cars below, getting off on the exposure of their bodies and their recounted affairs. In the fourth scene and first car crash (of many), the machinery becomes more actively involved in the physical contact. The film producer drives head-on into another car, instantly killing its driver. That victim’s widow (Holly Hunter) then sensually reveals her naked breast to our battered & concussed protagonist, revealing that his highway accident was, indeed, another form of sex. He just doesn’t know it yet.

While its small cult of automotive fetishists has fixated on a highly specific turn on, Crash is the ultimate “Anything can be sex!” movie. Car crashes? That’s public sex. Kissing a freshly inked tattoo? Oral sex. Lighting a friend’s cigarette? That’s making love. Photographing a concussed hospital patient? Okay, that’s more akin to pornography & masturbation, but you get the point. James Spader’s car-horny protagonist awakes from his first crash half-alive in a hospital bed, where he’s already been scouted & recruited by the sex cult’s egomaniacal leader (Elias Koteas). The cult’s biggest outreach program appears to be a regular outdoor meeting where they recreate famous car crashes—like the one that killed James Dean—for bleachers packed with horny voyeurs. Their leader doesn’t restrict his sexual releases to those grand displays, however. His gigantic, beat-up car is both a battering ram and “a bed on wheels,” which he swerves up and down the streets of Toronto in search of the ultimate car-crash turn-on: death. His loyal followers all fuck & mutually masturbate each other in various pansexual pairings one car crash after another, until the movie arbitrarily ends during one such indulgence, no actual end to their nihilistic highway hedonism in sight. Functionally, every scene is a sex scene, and yet it seems as if the only players who achieve orgasm are the ones who die in their respective crashes, crushed under heavy metal.

It’s typical for David Cronenberg movies to be about sex, but Crash differs from his usual mode by actually depicting it. Usually, Cronenberg depicts the penetration and joining of the human body’s various orifices a kind of monstrous real-time mutation, something to fear rather than enjoy. Although a lot of Crash‘s sexual touch is mediated through heavy machinery, Cronenberg also includes plenty of direct skin-on-skin contact, embracing the erotic instead of recoiling from it. While he preserves the protagonist’s name as James Ballard—in reference to the sci-fi novelist who wrote the source material—he shifts the character’s occupation to Torontonian film producer, even depicting him slumped in a director’s chair on set. In this way, Spader plays both the author and the auteur, intertwining Cronenberg’s personal sexual hang-ups with Ballard’s cerebral perversion of daily highway driving. In the film’s best moments, he gets totally lost in the abstract hedonism of cars’ physical presence, such as the wet thudding sounds of an automated car wash or the philosophical meaning behind traffic’s ebb & flow currents. It’s all slyly funny, chillingly violent, incredibly sexy, and seemingly personal to how both of its respective authors think about sex & modernity. So, yes, anything can be sex, including a deadly car crash. How terribly exciting is that?

-Brandon Ledet

Miroirs No. 3 (2026)

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What’s so wrong about a little parasocial bonding, as long as you keep it friendly? That’s the question at the heart of Christian Petzold’s latest understated arthouse thriller, which feels remarkably minor even by his standards. Miroirs No. 3 continues Petzold’s ongoing collaboration with actress Paula Beer, who’s been working as his go-to muse since Undine at the start of the decade. Beer stars as a lonely woman at the outskirts of the music industry, alienated by the careerist ambitions of her boyfriend and the sycophantic obligations of making connections with other go-getter urbanites. While on a weekend getaway in the German countryside, the uneasy couple get into a gnarly car accident, leaving Beer’s aspiring pianist concussed, alone, and presumably in mourning. She’s then taken in by a rural family who appear to be generous in providing her a bed to recover in but eventually prove to have their own selfish motivations in the supposed charity act. As she pieces her life back together in the days after the accident, it becomes clear that she’s being modeled to fulfil a domestic role in the home left vacant by another woman her own age, and she’s unwittingly become an integral part of a family unit she initially assumed she was just visiting. Whether that forced-family dynamic is menacing or comforting is up for interpretation, as everyone involved discovers in their own time.

Miroirs No. 3 might play with the themes & tensions of a classic Hitchcock thriller (most notably, Vertigo), but its scene-to-scene conflict is largely quiet, requiring an active patience from its audience that Hitchcock would never take for granted. On the genre scale, it’s more closely aligned with recent Euro thrillers like When Fall is Coming, Misericordia, and Sibyl than any of the classic Hitchcock titles they might individually recall. It’s cozier than it is thrilling. All action beats are heard offscreen, never seen. Even the dialogue is quiet & sparse, with most of the conflict between members of this makeshift family conveyed via meaningful stares. From the very start, Paula Beer’s concussed protagonist is characterized as a passenger, riding silently in cars and making passing eye contact with strangers so inhumanly stoic they practically function as specters of Death. The way she finds a place where she feels welcome & settled enough to call home might be morally perverse (given that her new foster family pressures her to unwittingly take the place of another missing woman), but there’s genuine temptation in continuing to play house there. The audience stews in the discomfort of figuring out who she’s replacing, whether she’ll accept the role, and what her new fake family will do if she rejects them. Petzold’s gamble is in hoping that discomfort is enough to sustain our attention without having to pacify us with onscreen acts of violence like, say, a car crash.

Petzold’s films are a little too deliberately understated to fully register as major movie events to the world at large, but previous titles like Phoenix, Transit, Afire, and the aforementioned Undine all mean a lot to a few. Miroirs No. 3 will undoubtedly be the Movie of the Year for a certain kind of movie nerd who’s dying to share a beer with Paula Beer, offering several memeable moments of her cracking open some cold ones for anyone who’d be interested in such a thing. For everyone previously unfamiliar with the Beer-and-Petzolds name brand, it’ll likely pass by like a gentle breeze — pleasant but hardly noticed.

-Brandon Ledet

Agon (2026)

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During the 2024 Olympic Games in Paris, I caught a couple live TV broadcasts of women’s fencing matches, expecting to watch some good old-fashioned swordfighting from world-class athletes. It turns out, modern fencing looks a lot more like retro sci-fi B-movies than the Old Hollywood swashbucklers I was picturing. I expected the competitors to be protected by masks & padding, sure; I just didn’t expect them to be plugged into electronic sensors, with each of their scores marked by lights & beeps when they completed a circuit with their foils, seemingly making the on-site referees just as vestigial as they are in the WWE. The new Italo arthouse headscratcher Agon presents the first cinematic instance I know of where modern, computerized fencing is represented at length onscreen, no longer relegated to bi-annual Olympic sports broadcasts. In fact, the sci-fi futurism of modern sports is just about the only thing on first-time writer-director Giulio Bertelli’s mind, as he spends Agon‘s entire runtime pondering & cataloging the various machines that have transformed the Olympic Games into an uncanny, inhuman abstraction rather than a straightforward demonstration of pure athletic prowess. It’s a surprisingly alienating, dissociative approach to the sports-movie formula, boldly announcing that the techno future of the sports drama is here, and it is terrifying.

In a semi-documentary style, we watch three women train & compete in various combat sports for a fictionalized version of the Olympics called The Ludoj Games. One is a fencer, who is physically plugged into the various computer sensors that have gradually transformed the sport into a live-action video game. Another is a sharpshooter, who is convinced that her own sport will become a literal video game in the near future, replacing traditional firearms with laser rifles. The third is a judo fighter, who you’d think would be safe from the encroachment of computer electronics in her sport, except that every aspect of her training and bodily maintenance requires high-grade, cutting-edge medical tech. Watching these women work at their craft is both chilling & beautiful, literalizing the ways that athletes’ bodies are precisely calibrated machines by surrounding them with endlessly bizarre, precisely calibrated machines. They hone their skills in abstract video game simulations. They measure their lung performance on treadmills by wearing Darth Vader-style breath masks. They reveal hidden injuries through X-rays & MRIs. They relieve stress between matches by streaming hentai on their smartphones. The entire film plays like a high-end version of those brain-rot video compilations of “satisfying factory machines,” minimizing the athletes’ bodies to an organic product of highly coordinated industrial processing.

Beyond its pronounced fetishism for the modern tech of sports medicine, Agon seems particularly interested in the exact tipping point where the simulated violence of combat sports turns into actual, physical harm. Very early on, our buff judo fighter suffers a painful knee injury, and we watch surgeons reconstruct her newly bionic body in intense documentary gore before she attempts to rehab her way back to the top of her field. Soon after, the sharpshooter lands in hot water with her financial sponsors over amoral hunting practices she’s engaged in outside the games, effectively transgressing by using her instrument for the exact purpose it was initially designed for – give or take her choice of target. It’s initially unclear what the fencer’s personal crisis with unstimulated violence could possibly be, and then it turns out she’s got it the worst out of the trio (especially once it’s revealed in the end credits that her own tragedy is inspired by a real-life freak event in the sport’s recent past). When the sharpshooter complains to an official representative of the games that she’s being professionally punished for her private behavior, the rep shoots back that, “There’s no room for violence here.” That’s a little rich, considering that the only sports profiled here are all simulations of violence, more military exercise than wholesome pastime.

When our psuedo-violent, semi-computerized athletes finally compete in The Ludoj Games, there is no live audience on hand to witness their technical achievements & failures. The games are staged in an abstracted black-box void, only to be witnessed by on-site officials, expensive camera rigs, and the all-important digital sensors. Obviously, this choice is at least partially driven by budgetary restraints, but Bertelli finds a way to make that limitation emphasize the cold post-humanism of modern Olympic sports. His interest in the subject appears to be somewhat personal, too, considering his advertised background in offshore sailing and, subsequently, the production of offshore sailing equipment. Not for nothing, but Bertelli also has familial ties to the fashion-industry royalty of Prada & Miu Miu, which is a dynasty he has attempted to professionally distance himself from but still shows in his filmmaking style. There’s a couture streetwear coolness in the way his three athletes model their sports’ various far-out gadgets, even as Bertelli dwells on the uglier, grotesque aspects of modern Olympic physicality. The movie is overall just as hip & fashionable as it is alienating & disorienting. Even the title “Agon” reads like the name of a fictional fashion brand, despite its intended academia as the Greek word for “conflict,” once used to describe the ancient, pre-computerized Olympics, BC.

-Brandon Ledet

Lagniappe Podcast: Love & Pop (1998)

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For this lagniappe episode of The Swampflix Podcast, Boomer & Brandon discuss Hideaki Anno’s live-action debut, the coming-of-age sugar babies drama Love & Pop (1998).

00:00 Welcome
01:55 Exit 8 (2026)
14:25 Project Hail Mary (2026)
22:45 Crash (1996)
26:05 Ready or Not 2: Here I Come (2026)
36:24 East of Eden (1955)
42:55 I Married a Vampire (1987)
48:35 Time of the Gypsies (1988)
52:55 The Taste of Things (2023)
56:30 ATX Short Film Showcase
59:36 Singles (1992)
1:06:26 The Bride Wore Black (1968)
1:09:33 Trekkies (1997)

1:10:55 Love & Pop (1998)

You can stay up to date with our podcast through SoundCloud, Spotify, iTunes, TuneIn, or by following the links on this page.

– The Lagniappe Podcast Crew

The Overlook Film Festival 2026, Ranked & Reviewed

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Self-described as “a summer camp for genre fans,” The Overlook Film Festival has quickly become the best of New Orleans’s local film fests . . . as long as you’re a total sicko. I consistently catch a wide selection of the year’s most stylish, violent, memorable horrors & thrillers in the festival’s lineup, many of which don’t otherwise reach local theaters before they get siphoned off to the cultural void of streaming platforms. It’s a surprisingly sociable experience too, considering that its main attraction is quietly watching movies in the dark. In recent years, all Overlook selections have been corralled to the two locations of The Prytania Theatres, which allows attendees to form a weekend-long bond with fellow movie nerds they continually run into while lining up for the next fucked-up delight. Everyone’s watching too much, sleeping too little, and loving every horrific minute. It really does capture the summer camp slumber party feeling of staying up all night watching scary movies with your friends after the adults fell asleep and can no longer police what’s playing on the TV.

While this year’s Overlook concluded over a week ago for out-of-town attendees, locals have been spoiled with a daily schedule of “lagniappe” screenings that kept the spooky-good vibes going twice as long as the festival proper. It was a decadent indulgence, especially on the afternoon I was able to sneak away from work early to catch the original Invasion of the Body Snatchers screening uptown on 35mm, exhausted & half awake, like Don Draper on a liquid lunch break. That extended Overlook hangover also gave me time to reflect on what I had seen over the busier opening weekend, gathering my hazy thoughts in a week spent writing short-form reviews. Leaving the couple repertory screenings I caught of the 1950s Body Snatchers and Larry Fessenden’s 1990s hipster vampire picture Habit out of it, I’m listing below the ten new-release feature films I caught at this year’s Overlook Film Fest, ranked in the order that I appreciated them, each with a blurb and a link to a corresponding review. For a more detailed recap of the Swampflix Crew’s festival experience beyond these reviews, check out the most recent episode of The Swampflix Podcast.

Buffet Infinity

A Lovecraftian horror story told entirely through local television commercial parodies, in which a small town is swallowed whole by an unholy buffet chain. For all of its high-concept buffoonery, it ends up making a fairly coherent point about how everything decent in the world is currently being devoured in some hostile corporate takeover. Shop local, protect your loved ones, take shelter in the bunker until it’s all over.

The Furious

A child abduction martial arts revenger that solves all the evils of the world with the swing of a hammer, like You Were Never Really Here restaged as an action thriller. Between this & The Forbidden City, it’s already been a great year for legible fight choreography, but this one is way more relentless & brutal. This is very likely the best action movie since RRR, give or take Furiosa. It also very likely means something that every movie I’m referencing happens to be about human trafficking.

Obsession

Turns quirky Movie Girlfriend behavior into a grotesque horror show, delivering the first truly scary Manic Pixie Nightmare Girl. Turns out, the archetype still a little cute even in that context.

New Group

An unofficial Uzumaki spinoff that trades in spirals for human pyramids. This is a delightful headscratcher for audiences of any age, but it’s going to blow the mind of the right teenager who’s watching their first Weird Movie in the phase when their #1 enemy is Conformity.

Buddy

In which Casper “Too Many Cooks” Kelly graduates from one-off Adult Swim novelties to his first fully formed feature, to mixed results. When it sticks to its cursed Barney & Friends episode premise, it lands all of its laughs & scares. When it deviates from that format, it feels like a confession that this should’ve just been another short, since the idea can’t fully sustain itself for feature length.

Hokum

Between this & Oddity, it’s clear Damian McCarthy has a unique talent for constructing an effective jump scare. That’s why it’s a little disappointing this one spends so much time dwelling in Elevated Horror atmosphere instead. There are some exceptional witchy gags in this haunted hotel story, but they’re frustratingly sparse.

Boorman and the Devil

Perfectly captures the alienation of loving movies but hating movie audiences. Who do you side with here? An incurious public who laughed Exorcist II off the screen for taking chances instead of delivering more of the same? Studio executives who lost money on an artistic gamble? Or the artist himself, who improbably staged a literal fever dream on someone else’s dime? Even when this documentary gets cutesy about the mass rejection of the Exorcist sequels, I could feel my blood boiling in general misanthropy.

Leviticus

Supernatural conversion therapy horror set in macho small-town Australia. It shares some cast & crew with Talk to Me, but it plays more like a spiritual sequel to It Follows, making up for that film’s queer oversights

Faces of Death

It turns out to not be such a big deal that the latest Scream sequel was a morally & creatively bankrupt shit show. The new Faces of Death has a lot more to say about modern audiences’ relationship with violent entertainment media than any Scream movie has in at least 15 years. The only letdown is that all of its payoffs are intellectual; it’s not nearly upsetting enough to earn its title, at least not for a desensitized social media addict such as myself.

Mārama

A Māori colonization story set in a kinda-sorta haunted house. It’s the kind of politically furious, grounded-to-reality horror you can tell only dabbles in genre tropes because it’s more difficult to get funding for an arthouse drama on the same subject.

-Brandon Ledet

Buddy (2026) & Adult Swimming at Overlook Film Fest

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One of the unofficial themes of this year’s Overlook Film Festival was the Adult Swimmification of the modern horror comedy, which has gradually emerged as a trend in the last decade of the genre’s furthest-most surreal outliers. Certainly, there have always been post-Tim and Eric, Adult Swim-style horror comedy oddities scattered throughout Overlook’s diverse programming, from the suburban soccer-mom meltdown Greener Grass to the gross-out Frankenstein riff Dead Lover to last year’s festival-wide spotlight on Kuso director Flying Lotus. This year’s Overlook had an even more pronounced Adult Swim presence than usual, though, not least of all due to the omnipresent ambassadorship of The People’s Joker herself, Vera Drew. Ostensibly flown out to participate in a panel about “Techno Horrors in the 21st Century,” Drew could be seen (and heard, thanks to her iconic Jokerfied laugh) at various movies throughout the weekend, taking just as much advantage of her festival pass as anyone else roaming the French Quarter shopping mall hub. The least surprising place to find her, of course, was a double feature of the two most Adult Swim-coded selections in the program, since her own aggressively surreal editing style has helped guide the rhythms of that particular genre niche in projects like Comedy Bang! Bang!, On Cinema at the Cinema, and the aforementioned People’s Joker. Spotting Vera Drew in line for this year’s absurdist horror comedy selections felt like a pre-emptive stamp of approval that we were in the exact right place, swimming with the adults in the horror-comedy deep end.

If any one title could claim to have earned its Adult Swim bona fides, it was Buddy, the debut feature from director Casper Kelly. Kelly first made a name for himself with 2014’s Adult Swim short Too Many Cooks, followed by more recent Adult Swim experiments in the weirdo-comedy block’s Yule Log series. Like those two previous attention-grabbers, Buddy starts as an eerily accurate parody of a long-dead television format, which Kelly then subverts by underlining its most uncanny qualities. After parodying 90s sitcom intros (in Too Many Cooks) and seasonal yule log screensavers (self-explanatory), his first feature begins as a retro episode of Barney & Friends, swapping out the friendly purple dinosaur for an orange unicorn named Buddy. There’s some incredible attention to detail in the cursed children’s TV show set decor, establishing a Pee-wee’s Playhouse style world where every piece of furniture is alive & costumed with googly eyes. Buddy rules over them all as a fascist tyrant, redirecting all attention & behavior from his various “friends” to focus on him at all times, all in the name of mandatory fun. Unfortunately, Kelly then breaks format while sketching about the basic rules of Buddy’s televised universe, leaving that colorful playhouse set for a much more mundane world outside its invisible barriers. When we’re trapped inside the Barney parody with an abusive dictator unicorn, Buddy easily lands all of its discomforting laughs & scares. When Kelly deviates from that format, it feels like a confession that this project should’ve just been another short, since the idea can’t fully sustain itself at feature length.

Simon Glassman’s own directorial debut Buffet Infinity demonstrates a much more admirably stubborn commitment to its own bit. Buffet Infinity tells a surprisingly legible Lovecraftian horror story through a series of local restaurant commercials for fictional businesses in Alberta, Canada. What starts as petty political attack ads between a local mom & pop sandwich shop and a corporate buffet chain quickly escalates into a town-wide hostile takeover, with an entire community swallowed whole by a single insatiable restaurant franchise. Its individual commercial parodies recall the awkward sub-professional sketch comedy of Tim & Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, edited together with the relentless intensity of an Everything is Terrible! mixtape. For all of its high-concept buffoonery, though, it still makes a fairly coherent point about how everything decent in the world is currently being devoured in some soulless corporate acquisition. All of the quaint hometown flavor of your neighborhood sandwich shop’s family-recipe “secret sauce” is being obliterated by grotesquely underpriced, overstuffed fast-food deals for meat-tower monstrosities with names like “The Beyond Comprehension Burger.” Buffet Infinity urges you to shop local, protect your loved ones, and take shelter until this soulless corporate takeover is all over.

I don’t think the full story of what Casper Kelly’s Buddy means in the current moment of post-Adult Swim absurdist comedy will be clear for some time. The film is still seeking a theatrical distributor after its mixed-reviews premiere at Sundance, and its public perception won’t fully solidify until it can be compared to the other upcoming Barney subversion, improbably reported to be written by Ayo Edrbiri and produced by Daniel Kaluuya. Meanwhile, Buffet Infinity is a self-contained, fully realized project with contracted distribution in the works from Yellow Veil, to be enjoyed by freaked-out stoners everywhere by the end of the year. Together, they made for a perfectly overwhelming double feature at this year’s Overlook, likely the strangest pairing I’ve seen at the fest since I watched Greener Grass back-to-back with Peter Strickland’s killer-dress anthology In Fabric in 2019. Praise be to the Overlook programmers for their longtime commitment to keeping the Adult Swim spirit alive at the festival, love & respect to Vera Drew for acting as that spirit’s living mascot at this year’s fest, good luck to Casper Kelly for finding his way out of his current distribution limbo, congratulations to Glassman, hail Satan, and all the rest.

-Brandon Ledet

Hokum (2026) & Ghostless Hauntings at Overlook Film Fest

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Damien McCarthy quickly became a legend at The Overlook when the festival screened his 2024 spookshow Oddity to a loudly reactive crowd, then snuck in one last scare on the way out by propping up its creepy wooden puppet at the theater’s only exit. Oddity had great word of mouth in the queues between showtimes that year, celebrated as the rare movie to actually scare the jaded horror-nerd audiences who’ve already seen it all. McCarthy’s return to the festival with 2026’s Hokum was highly anticipated, then, boosted by the savvy marketing team at Neon and the name-recognition star wattage of Adam Scott. With Hokum, McCarthy once again demonstrated a unique talent for constructing an effective jump scare (even eliciting a top-volume scream from a fellow Swampflixer, whom I will not name & shame in this review). That’s why it’s a little disappointing that the scares are so sparse in this bigger-budget follow-up, where McCarthy is determined to dwell in Elevated Horror atmosphere instead of routinely setting up & knocking out the scare gags he stages so well. Although each were effective, I can count Hokum‘s memorable scares on a single hand, while the majority of its runtime was spent exploring every inch of its haunted hotel setting in near silence.

A spooky atmosphere goes a long way, though, and McCarthy makes intriguing use of Hokum‘s haunted hotel location by sidestepping the type of supernatural ghoul you’d typically expect to confront there. Adam Scott stars as an asshole alcoholic novelist who’s hoping to spend a few days quietly ignoring the world in a remote Irish inn. Against his will, he accidentally makes friends with the inn’s snarky bartender (Florence Ordesh) and then finds himself investigating the mysterious circumstances of her sudden disappearance (and presumable murder). That vigilante Murder He Wrote investigation quickly gets the novelist trapped in the hotel’s haunted honeymoon suite, where he’s tormented by vengeful spirits of the past. The most shocking thing about Hokum, then, is that it’s not technically a ghost story, at least not in the traditional sense. Adam Scott’s spooked protagonist is specifically locked in an Old Dark House setting with a witch—not a ghost—who’s occasionally joined (or takes the form of?) a humanoid rabbit with a wicked sense of humor. She is a stereotypically witchy hag, warts & all, when the film’s setup leads you to expect another classic Halloween costume entirely (a bedsheet with eyeholes).

Hokum was not the only bait-and-switch ghost story I saw at this year’s Overlook. Taratoa Stappard’s debut feature Mārama also plays with Gothic Horror visual tropes that lead its audience to expect traditional ghostly hauntings, but its version of a haunted house story turns out to be “spiritual” in an entirely different sense. Adriana Osborne stars as a 19th century Māori woman who travels from New Zealand to England in search of her missing twin sister. The spirits of her sister, her mother, and another ancestor do haunt the spooky English estate she sets out to investigate, but her supernatural connection to them is more rooted in Māori religious traditions than in haunted-house movie tropes. The real horror haunting the house is not these women’s lingering spirits but the greater evil of British colonialism, which is what displaced them from New Zealand in the first place. Every time our troubled paranormal investigator is confronted with a supernatural scare, it’s always represented as some pilfered & perverted aspect of her culture: relocated homes, ceremonial masks, mutilated whales, a straight-up minstrel show, etc. Mārama is the kind of politically furious, grounded-to-reality horror story you can tell only dabbles in genre tropes because it’s more difficult to get funding for an arthouse drama on the same subject. See also: Nikyatu Jusu’s kinda-sorta folk horror Nanny.

Yûta Shimotsu’s Lovecraftian horror comedy New Group also dabbles in classic haunted-house movie atmospheres, but it proves to be even more difficult to pin to a single genre designation than Hokum or Mārama. Like McCarthy, Shimotsu quickly became an Overlook crowd favorite with his previous picture, Best Wishes to All, but his follow-up swerved in much more inscrutable directions. New Group might be an alien invasion story; it’s hard to say. It’s certainly a variation on the Uzumaki plot, trading in Junji Ito’s town-wide obsession with spirals for a town-wide obsession with “human pyramid” gymnastic formations. Inexplicably, a human pyramid is forming outside a small-town Japanese high school, gradually growing to skyscraper scale one joiner at a time. It’s unclear what’s inspiring this sudden social phenomenon except a generalized urge to belong, and it quickly spreads off-campus to inspire different cheerleader-style human structures elsewhere in town. Because of the film’s scope & budget, though, it’s difficult to convey the widespread danger of the phenomenon, so Shimotsu shrinks the threat down to a single container: the high school gym. Only, the gym was temporarily converted to a Halloween-style haunted house by the students before they were compelled to join the pyramid, providing a traditionally spooky environment for the town’s few defectors to be chased around by the mind-zapped gymnasts in their midst. Supernatural hijinks ensue, both inside the makeshift haunted house and on the playground outside the high school’s walls.

New Group is a delightful headscratcher for audiences of any age, but it’s going to blow the mind of the right teenager who’s watching their first Weird Movie in the exact phase when their #1 enemy is Conformity. The genre-filmmaking payoffs of Hokum & Mārama are much more immediately apparent, since their own haunted house settings are merely stages for their bigger interests in jump scares & political commentary. As a group, this unlikely international trio illustrates just how flexible horror movie tropes as old-hat as a Haunted House still are. Each film uses that setting for an entirely different purpose, stocking it with an entirely different monster: witches, ancestral spirits, and gymnastics-obsessed townie conformists who may or may not be mind-controlled by space aliens, respectively. The reason strictly horror-focused film festivals like Overlook never get tiresome is because the genre allows for that kind of tonal & thematic range, freeing filmmakers to be as scary or political or absurd as they want, trusting that audiences is familiar enough with the environment that they’re game for anything you stage within it.

-Brandon Ledet

The Mummy (1999)

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Recently, Brandon wrote a piece about the unfortunate position of The Mummy as Universal’s most side-lined classic horror character, and how the general public’s association of the title The Mummy with the 1999 action-adventure film directed by Stephen Sommers rather than the Karl Freund original cements The Mummy as a second-tier hanger-on. During the umpteenth viewing of the trailer for the upcoming release of Lee Cronin’s The Mummy, a friend of mine leaned over to me in the theater and asked me a question about the frequency of these remakes, and I mentioned my own framework of the understanding about why The Mummy (the character) rarely works. Namely, you can make a movie about Wolfmen, Invisible Men, reanimated Promethei, and Dracula (et al) without the text being, necessitated by its nature, inherently racist. The Northern Hemisphere positively plundered Egypt and its historical sites, and the ongoing behavior of the British Museum acting in miniature on behalf of the colonialist experiment demonstrates that they are pathologically unable to comprehend the extent of the evil and shame inherent in their “expeditions.” Mummies were ground up into powder and used for paint pigmentation, medicine, and countless other things, again with Britain nationally acting as the microcosm of colonialist enterprise by rushing headlong into turning other people’s ancestors, a finite resource indeed, into a monetized enterprise. That’s why no big-budget mummy movie in the 21st century has actually been about a mummy; they’ve been about death gods creating avatars for themselves (the 2017 Tom Cruise film) or a child being possessed by something after spending some time in a sarcophagus (the new Lee Cronin film, at least based on the trailer). 

The last time that a Mummy was about a mummy was in 1999, when Brendan Fraser and Rachel Weisz memetically lit the libidos of bisexuals worldwide ablaze. Fraser plays Rick O’Connell, an American in interbellum Egypt for unknown reasons, whom we meet making a final stand against presumed locals while defending(?) some ruins. It’s a big guns-blazing action sequence that doesn’t really want you to ask questions about why Rick’s there, whose territory is rightfully whose, or other questions about the “veiled protectorate” period. Meanwhile in Cairo, Weisz’s Evelyn clumsily destroys a lot of priceless texts before her gadabout brother Jonathan (John Hannah) presents her with an artifact he pickpocketed that supposedly came from the lost city of Hamunaptra, a legendary treasure repository as well as “the city of the dead.” Evelyn, Rick, and Jonathan set out to find the city again, and find themselves in a race to the lost city with Beni (Kevin J. O’Connor), a cowardly man who was previously at Hamunaptra at the same time as Rick, and the American cowboys he’s guiding along the same path. Upon arrival, the Americans almost immediately release the undead ancient Egyptian priest Imhotep (Arnold Vosloo), who was mummified alive as a punishment for touching the Pharaoh’s concubine, from his tomb, unleashing plagues and the potential to end the world. 

I used to love this movie. I was in middle school when both it and its sequel were released, and as a kid who had grown up obsessed with Indiana Jones and with an interest in Egyptology, this was an exciting mash-up of horror and action-adventure that really hit my sweet spot. It also didn’t hurt that there were large swathes of time when it was on cable almost constantly, so it really left a mark on me. Going back to it now, however, I can’t help but find it a little distasteful, and a product of its time. Perhaps nowhere is this more clear than in the person of Ardeth Bay (Oded Fehr), a character descended from a long line of secret defenders of the pharaonic order. Despite living a life that implies an ongoing belief in the Egyptian pantheon of old, Ardeth praises Allah, something that was uncommon but unremarkable among heroic characters in films of the period but would become contentious just a couple of years later during the era of kneejerk American Islamophobia. Ardeth is also not played by an Egyptian actor (Fehr was born in Tel Aviv), nor is Imhotep (Vosloo is white South African), nor are the pharaoh (Aharon Ipalé is Israeli) or his Anck-su-namun (Patricia Velásquez is Venezuelan). The casting of the roles in the film outside of our white leads is classic Hollywood “brown is brown” racism of a bygone era, and watching this as an adult who is fully conscious of all of the implications greatly dulls one’s enthusiasm for what is, otherwise, an adventurous romp. 

A lot of the CGI here will look dated to the modern eye, even to those of us who remember this as being an extravaganza of realist effects. A lot of it still works because its uncanniness can be excused as a matter of course for a horror flick, but the CGI Thebes stands out as particularly video game-esque. The rewatch of this was prompted by the upcoming release of the aforementioned Lee Cronin Mummy, but the timing happened to align with Passover having recently happened, and I realized I had always thought of this as a kind of Passover movie, a secular alternative to The Ten Commandments that also happened to contain the plagues. (Toads and frogs are one of the ones that are left out, presumably because every amphibian wrangler in Hollywood was working on Magnolia at the time.) Preteens, like I was when I first saw it, are really the best demographic for this film, as its overwritten corny dialogue and telegraphed acting choices read like a throwback to old-timey pictures, until you’ve watched as many of them as I have and realize it’s more shallow parody than homage. Weisz and Fraser are sexy, yes, and they have great chemistry together, but Rick is much more of an asshole than I remember, and Evey, with her clumsy awkwardness and frustration at Cambridge’s rejection of her despite her outsized genius, feels like a fanfiction character, right down to her being a nepo baby. 

I wish that I could love this one as much as I did when I was younger, but most of the enjoyment that can be derived from it now comes at the film’s expense. If you have fond memories of it, let that sleeping dog lie; don’t go disturbing the sarcophagus of your memory.

-Mark “Boomer” Redmond