Swampflix’s official coverage of the best films of 2024 won’t start until January 2025, but list-making season is already in full swing elsewhere. General consensus on the best films of the year is starting to take shape as regional film critic associations are publishing their collective Best of the Year lists, and I’m proud to say I was once again able to take a small part in that annual ritual. I voted in the Southeastern Film Critics Association poll for the best films of 2024, representing a consensus opinion among 89 critics across nine states in the American South. Winners were announced this morning, and it’s a pretty solid list. At the very least, it’s cool to see Sean Baker recognized for his latest in a long line of high-energy, high-empathy sex industry dramas, Anora, and to see the objectively best score of the year win its respective category: Trent Reznor & Atticus Ross’s music for Luca Guadagnino’s erotic tennis thriller Challengers. I’m also proud to have helped a movie as absurdly grotesque as Coralie Fargeat’s The Substance get rightfully highlighted as one of the year’s major works.
The biggest story of last year’s SEFCA list was the total dominance of Christopher Nolan’s historical drama Oppenheimer, which then went on to sweep The Oscars as well, with seven wins out of thirteen nominations. This year, there’s no clear dominant winner, as the majority of the prizes are evenly split among Anora, Conclave, and The Brutalist. That sounds like a robust crop of movies to me. To quote SEFCA President Scott Phillips in today’s press release, “Every year we hear from the naysaying sectors of the industry that it wasn’t a very good year for film. This slate of winners easily disproves that statement for 2024. Between theatrical distribution and streaming, releases can be a bit scattered and hard to find, but if you take the time to find the better films of 2024, they form a potent lineup. We hope that film fans out there can use our Top 10 list to catch up on some of the best that 2024 had to offer.”
It took a while to arrive, but 2024 was finally Sebastian Stan’s year. Ever since the strikingly hunky actor found early fame in the wide-appeal franchises Gossip Girl and The MCU, he’s been attempting to pull off the Robert Pattinson trick of convincing cinephilic snobs that he’s more than just a handsome face. Stan has been deliberately eroding his pretty-boy persona by taking on increasingly odd, unlikeable roles in titles like I, Tonya, Fresh, and The Bronze, but audiences have yet to take him seriously by any other name than Bucky Barnes. It’s clear to me that 2024 was the critical breakthrough in that effort, with Stan earning many impassioned accolades for his two most recent film roles in The Apprentice and A Different Man. Weirdly, that career boost may have been indirectly assisted by the recent re-election of Donald Trump, whom Stan portrays as a young man in The Apprentice. Or it was at least assisted by his fellow actors’ cowardice on the subject of Trump, since Stan vented that he was invited to participate in Variety‘s annual “Actors on Actors” interview series, but nothing ever came of it because no actor (or at least no actor’s publicist) dared to discuss Trump or the election on the record. This news item led to a fresh new wave of critics praising Stan’s fully committed portrayal of the president-elect as a young ghoul in training, reinvigorating discussion of a film that had for the most part faded into the Awards Season background since it premiered at Cannes. It’s not all just empty political posturing, either; he deserves the praise.
In The Apprentice, Iranian-Danish director Ali Abbasi (Border, Holy Spider) attempts to diagnose the illness at the heart of contemporary American politics by pinpointing the exact moment when Donald Trump transformed from human being to monstrous caricature. Trump is already a shit-heel capitalist at the start of the film, when Sebastian Stan is introduced as a racist landlord collecting rent payments & shutting out Black tenants in 1970s New York City. The punk, disco, and street noise of the era appear to rattle young Donny just as much as his legal troubles and his father’s withheld affections. Then, the figure of Roy Cohn appears from across a crowded barroom, played like a beckoning Count Dracula by Succession star Jeremy Strong. In the first third of the film, Strong’s verbal & physical mannerisms are more closely aligned with the SNL-parody version of Trump we’re all used to, and the acting challenge of the piece is for Stan to gradually grow into the role as he learns from his vampiric mentor. His transformation from status-obsessed dork to the most powerful carnival conman in America is physically manifested in peculiar contortions of the mouth and verbal jabs of one-upmanship against his own previous sentences while bragging to the press, and he learned it all from watching Cohn do the same. What Abbasi & Stan most clearly understand about Trump is how unfortunate it is that he’s a funny guy in addition to being an evil one, so that The Apprentice ends up becoming a kind of It’s Always Sunny-style dirtbag sitcom featuring talented actors playing despicable ghouls. It’s not especially insightful as a political text, but it is impressive as an acting showcase, which is exactly what Sebastian Stan needed to break through into critical legitimacy.
The only hindrance to The Apprentice announcing Sebastian Stan’s arrival as a formidable actor is that he only gives the second best performance in his own movie, as he’s often outshone by Jeremy Strong’s scenes-stealing performance as Roy Cohn. Funnily enough, that actor-vs-actor tension is the exact conflict that torments Stan’s lead character in his actual-best performance of the year. In A Different Man, director Aaron Schimberg ventures further into the ethical & psychological labyrinth of rethinking onscreen disfigurement & disability representation that he first stepped into with Chained for Life, this time with less third-act abstraction. Sebastian Stan does incredible work building complex layers in the lead role as a failed actor with neurofibromatosis, which hides his face under a mountainous mask of noncancerous tumors. After an experimental drug chemically removes those tumors in a miraculous transformation that reveals Stan’s Hollywood Handsome face, he remains a failed actor, finding that his lack of confidence & charisma had little to do with his disfiguring medical condition. Then enters Adam Pearson (Chained for Life, Under the Skin) as the world’s most affable guy, who charms every room he walks into despite the fact that his own neurofibromatosis remains untreated. Pearson is hilarious as the carefree bloke who completely wrecks Stan’s entire life simply by being pleasant company, but it’s Stan’s performance that affords the movie most of its emotional complexity. It’s impressive to watch him intentionally play someone who is disastrously bad at acting in a movie where we can all clearly tell he’s a great actor, maybe even with potential to become one of our best.
A Different Man is a great, darkly funny comedy about the tensions between internal & external identity, teased out through the pronounced artifice of stage theatre. By the time Stan is wearing a 3D rendering of his former disfigurement as a mask while playing a fictionalized version of himself on-stage, it’s clear that Schimberg has created something incredibly complex here, and he found an actor who was up for the task. A Different Man is a much smaller, quieter film than The Apprentice, which made enough of a stir to be publicly threatened with lawsuits by its subject’s legal team the week of its premiere. That threat certainly contributed to the good will behind critics’ defense of Stan’s right to discuss his craft in portraying Trump onscreen, but A Different Man is still the title of the pair that’s more likely to land on hipper publications’ Best of the Year lists. The Apprentice is, at heart, a kind of phony drama that excels solely as an acting showcase for its two leads, who make great use of the opportunity; it’s Awards Season fluff. By contrast, A Different Man is the real deal; it’s cinema. In combination, they suggest that Sebastian Stan has finally achieved the creative success he’s been seeking as an actor ever since he first achieved financial success as a handsome face. Let’s hope all these critical accolades only embolden him to get weirder & more off-putting, since he’s such a joy to watch in that mode.
Welcome to The Not-So-New 52, your digital Swampflix comic book (adaptation) newsstand! Starting in 2007, DC Comics and Warner Premiere entered the direct-to-home-video market with animated features, mostly in the form of adaptations of well-received event comics or notable arcs. This Swampflix feature takes its name from the 2011 DC relaunch event “The New 52,” and since there are (roughly) fifty-two of these animated features as of the start of 2024, Boomeris watching them in order from the beginning with weekly reviews of each. So, get out your longboxes and mylar sleeves and get ready for weekly doses of grousing, praise, befuddlement, recommendations, and occasional onomatopoeia as we get animated for over fifteen years of not-so-new comic cartoons.
When I first started this project, I knew that I would eventually have to watch these shorts in addition to the features in order to hit that magic number, 52. At that time, the streaming service formerly known as HBO Max still hosted just about every DC project ever made, as a result of Warner Bros. folding the DC Universe service into HBO. All of these shorts were available there, until they were slowly offboarded from the service —never forget what they, and by “they” I mean David Zaslav, took from you. Most of these were only released as special additions to the DVDs of the feature films, which meant that tracking them all down proved no small feat. Ironically, although I have no issue with the wider internet at large knowing that I will soon have watched all of these films, I’m not exactly hot to expose this side of myself to the ubercool clerks at my local video rental. Somehow, we got there.
And another perfect little Halloween watch! This one opens in 1969 with a clear invocation of Texas Chain Saw Massacre as a group of hippies and their newest friend, a young blonde woman named Marcie (Natalie Lander) travel west across a desert in a VW van. The quartet of groovy folks—Dee Dee, Violet, Harry, and Ted—praise her for seeing through the scam of “society” and having escaped suburbia and her controlling parents, and, as they cross the border into California, hype up the guru they are going to see. Upon arrival to a run-down mansion, Marcie takes a moment to smoke a cigarette and clear her head and finds the details of the decaying decadence creepy: a statue in the form of the goat god Pan stands atop a run-down fountain that’s full of gross algae and dead fish, that sort of thing. It’s here that she’s startled by the presence of a suited man with an out-of-date hat, who introduces himself as the Phantom Stranger (Peter Serafinowicz) and urges her to leave this place before it’s too late. She laughs him off and enters the house, where she meets the guru, Seth (Michael Rosenbaum). As they have a dance party, Seth anoints each of his disciples with wine and then kisses them, his ouroboros pendant glowing with each locking of lips. Before he can do the same to Marcie, the Stranger appears again, telling Seth that he’s come to bring the latter’s reign of death and terror to an end. Seth doesn’t seem very scared, as he warns that he, a soul-sucking vampire, can only be killed by a truly pure soul, and he knows the Stranger doesn’t qualify. The two engage in a brief fight before Marcie knocks the Stranger out with a piece of statuary. While Seth drains the Stranger’s life force, she notices the corpses of the hippies and turns the tables on Seth by offering to become his queen, before snatching his necklace and smashing it, killing the demon. After a few parting words of wisdom from The Stranger, she gets into the van that the hippies no longer need and seeks out her next adventure, and her ongoing pursuit of finding her own truth.
I think what I like most about these little shorts is that their condensed nature means that there’s no room to pad these stories out with endless fight scenes. I’ve brought up before that a lot of the feature length films don’t feel like they have sufficient story to justify their lengths. Looking back, I think a lot of them sacrificed the possibility of adding a second or third plotline because what most of the people watching these are interested in are those superhero fights: punch, punch, laser eyes, kick, punch, piledriver. Being much shorter, these have exactly the amount of narrative substance for their run time, without the need to include the fight scenes that I often found extraneous, tiresome, and repetitive in the movies. This is a nice little kernel of a story about an ingénue with ingenuity and the mysterious being that acts as her guardian angel at just the moment that she needs it most in order to avoid falling under the spell of an eldritch entity. The short it’s most reminiscent of is The Spectre, as that story was also a period piece about a supernatural antihero, although this one is lacking in some of the creative scares of that first short. What it has in its place is some of the most interesting animation out of any of these, with a psychedelic dance party that’s truly beautifully animated; in particular, a recreation of the kind of multi colored lights that would turn up in a happening party are extremely well done, as they play across both the background and the characters (imagine the club sequences from Godzilla vs. Hedorah). This was a great little bit of fun, and I’m consistently surprised at how much higher the good-to-not-so-good ratio of these is in comparison to the features.
Adam Strange eventually gets to some good places, but it takes too long to get there, especially for a short film. We open on an ironically named mining colony called “Eden,” where an unwashed drunken man gets into a scrap with some other miners outside of a dingy bar. As he goes down, he mutters “Take me, take me,” and we cut straight into his flashbacks. This is Adam Strange (Charlie Weber), formerly of planet Rann (in the comics he was a human teleported from Peru to Rann by an errant “zeta beam,” and while that tech appears here, no mention is made of Adam’s earthling origins, so it’s unclear if he’s supposed to be human or Rannian). On the day of the invasion of his planet by the hawkpeople of Thanagar, his wife was killed in a bombing, surviving only long enough to tell him that their daughter may have made it to safety. Before he can search for the girl, however, a “zeta beam” appears and teleports him to the Eden Corp colony. He immediately sets to work calculating when the beam may appear next, hoping it will take him home, but as the years pass he grows bitter and disagreeable. While sleeping off his drunken stupor, several of the miners at a nearby digging site go too deep, unwittingly allowing insectoid alien beasts the size of cars out, which slaughter most of the men, with only a few escaping to warn the colony. The colony foreman (Roger Cross), the closest thing that Strange has to a friend, asks him to join in the barricading of the town, but the older man is knocked out. He awakens when he hears the sound of the battle outside and dons his spaceman gizmos in order to go out and join the fight, where he manages to kill all of the attacking bugs, leading the colony folk to see him with new, awed respect. As the colonists are evacuated the following morning, he is invited to join them, but says he has to remain behind so that he can await the beam that will bring him home and help him find his daughter. As the evac ships depart, his rocket pack pings, alerting him that a zeta beam is inbound.
When writing about Beware My Power, I noted that it was odd that the series took so long to do a proper space story, given what a larger cosmic universe the comics are set in. That was more of a space opera, while this is a bite-sized space western. The narrative isn’t complex: a man who’s lost everything ends up in a frontier town as an outsider, he loses hope of ever seeing his missing daughter again, and he gains the respect of the townsfolk by managing to defend them against an external force. It’s a little bit Shane with a dash of Tremors; it’s The Magnificent Seven with Aliens on the side. And man, once the bug creatures show up, they do some real damage, slicing dudes in half and spraying one miner with an acid that melts his face clean off like he looked into the Ark of the Covenant. I wrote in the review just prior to this one that a lot of the fights in the longer movies are the least interesting things in them, but this one has a story that feels a little rote, and it’s greatly enlivened by the alien attack. And, if you’re a completist, this one is supposedly part of the “Tomorrowverse” continuity, with this film serving to set up the appearance of Adam Strange (albeit in a different art style and with a different voice actor), so have at it. If you’re going to put together that spooky season playlist that I keep harping on about, this one might work alongside the others, but it’s also the one during which your guests are most likely to take a quick bathroom break.
Batman: Death in the Family (2020), released solo with other shorts
It’s impossible for me to rate this one, since it’s not really a short film at all? It’s listed as one on the series’ Wikipedia page, and even noted as a sequel to Under the Red Hood, but this one is more of an interactive experience à la Bandersnatch, which came out a few years prior. There were nine different story paths with seven alternate endings, starting from the point at the beginning of Red Hood in which Joker beats Robin nearly to death with a crowbar. The viewer would then select either “Robin Dies” (in which case the events play out exactly as they did in Red Hood), “Robin Cheats Death” (in which Jason becomes a vigilante with his face wrapped in bandages like Hush), or “Batman Saves Robin” (in which Batman, um, saves Robin but dies in the process). From the last of these choices there are further branches: either Jason kills the Joker (and from there either turns is captured by or escapes from the police, depending on your choice) or catches the Joker (which ends in either a bombing that kills all participants or a relatively bittersweet ending). I felt pretty lucky to discover that it was on Tubi, the people’s streaming service, and then balked when I saw that its runtime was over ninety minutes. I assumed that this meant that this must be the digital version which, according to Death in the Family’s own wiki page, is 96 minutes long and contains all story paths. However, that’s not what’s online, and I didn’t get all of those different pathlines above from watching every version; they came from the internet.
See, the version of Death in the Family on Tubi doesn’t contain all possible endings like the broadcast version of Clue; in fact, it’s just the “Robin Dies” narrative, which, if you recall, is just the plot of Under the Red Hood, again. It’s like a Reader’s Digest condensed version of that movie, where everything “extraneous” is cut out and the film’s entire plot is recounted in new voiceover from Bruce Greenwood, which is to say, it’s just a shorter, worse version of the earlier movie. Worse, it’s not even consistent with UTRH, since Bruce repeatedly refers to Jason as “son,” which is something he never did in the original film, and I think that it’s narratively important that this is the case. The closest thing to a term of endearment that he’s able to spare in his grief is in his mournful six word line: “My partner. My soldier. My fault.” All that is added is a final scene where we learn that this recap has been provided from Bruce to Clark Kent, who praises him for facing his inner demons or some such fluff.
However! If you noticed that the above doesn’t account for the hour-and-a-half runtime that’s on Tubi; that’s because there are several other of these shorts right after it, and which are not mentioned in the description. And one of them is the previously nigh-unfindable Sgt. Rock! Rock is followed by Adam Strange, The Phantom Stranger, and finally Death, which means that your Halloween playlist is already kinda made for you! And that I didn’t have to rent Hush and expose my nerdiness to the rental clerks after all. Alas. This also prompted me to check out the other Tubi listings for the shorts, and found that the 25-minute Return of Black Adam has a listed runtime of 62 minutes – because it’s followed by The Spectre and Jonah Hex (although they stuck Green Arrow there in the middle). Go forth with this knowledge, and enjoy!
The titular Kamandi is, in fact, the last boy on this post-apocalyptic earth, which bears more than a passing similarity to the distant future earth of Planet of the Apes (uh, spoiler alert, I guess?). Kamandi (Cameron Monaghan) takes his name from the bunker in which he was raised, Command D, by his now-dead grandfather. Outside of the bunker, despite a maximum of two generations having passed, the animals of the earth have evolved both anthropomorphically and anthropologically, speaking English and living in hierarchical structures. One such animal, Kamandi’s friend Tuftan, is the prince of the Tiger Kingdom (presumably no relation), and the plot opens with Kamandi rescuing Tuftan from some rat guys. Unfortunately, in their escape from one captor, they are captured by ape men on horseback, along with some of those rat dudes. Turns out these apes are cultists, who are dedicated to finding the reincarnation of a god they call The Mighty One. To that end, they have created a series of challenges to test the mettle of potential messiahs: to leap across a giant chasm, to weather a hallway full of tripwired guns and an acidic gas, and to defeat a giant insect monster (lot of those lately). Kamandi and Krew—including a guy named Ben Boxer who assures us that he is not human despite his appearance as well as an ape who has trained for this moment (and who could forget, a few dear rat boys)—manage to make it the whole way. Tuftan breaks his foot on the first obstacle, and although he orders Kamandi to leave him, he refuses. The hallway of machine guns is only passable when Ben Boxer says that this test requires “a man of steel” and changes his body into metal so that the others are shielded by him. Boxer falters when the acidic gas is released, Kamandi reasons that there are some acids that are more effective against metal than flesh and rushes through the green cloud to reach the shut-off valve, at the expense of burning himself, although not terribly. In the final test, Kamandi manages to wrest the control collar off of the huge bug monster, which earns him the animal’s trust and allows him to emerge as the victor of the confrontation without having to cause harm, while also showing mercy to the ape man who has been antagonizing him. As it turns out, the “Mighty One” that the ape cult worship was actually Superman, and they have one of his outfits in their shrine, waiting to be given to the person who exemplified the characteristics of their god — not strength of invulnerability or tactical prowess, but mercy and wisdom.
This doesn’t hold up much if you think about it too hard. That machine gun hallway is just a death trap; although there is a cooperative element to surmounting that obstacle, that makes it more of a test of teamwork than anything else, and really only if you’ve already got a bulletproof teammate. Kamandi shows compassion by helping the others cross the chasm once he reaches the other side, but it’s still a test that requires at least one person who is capable of a superhuman feat. I suppose that could mean that this is left up to the potential interpretation that maybe Kamandi truly is destined to walk this path, but I assume that most viewers are like me and would immediately dismiss a religion that’s less than a century old and devised by uplifted apes as … probably not true. According to the DC Universe Wikipedia page, this one is supposed to be a part of the Tomorrowverse (I’m so close to never having to type that again that I can taste it), and it’s part of Justice Society that Kamandi somehow travels back to (a parallel earth’s) 1940s to deliver the superclothes to the Superman. Damned if I remember that happening, to be honest, but I guess that makes this whole story a predestination paradox: Kamandi has to give past Superman his suit, so that he can become Superman, so that an ape cult will worship him after the apocalypse, so that they can give Kamandi the suit, so he can go back to the past, etc. Gee, sounds kinda stupid when you put it that way, huh? Predestination paradoxes are just destiny with a few extra steps, so I suppose it’s internally consistent.
I’m being hard on this one for no real reason, though, as I actually found it fun. I liked the choice of art style here, which is very reminiscent of Kirby’s style for the original run of the comic in the 1970s. It’s also fun to do something completely different from the rest of the franchise at large. These shorts have erred mostly on the spooky side, which I have loved, and in so doing they’ve been able to focus on characters who aren’t the same old roster of mostly superheroes and the occasional wizard, and I’ve really enjoyed these smaller stories. This is the weirdest one yet, and it’s a lot of fun to see a tiger guy run an obstacle course with his equally weird pals. You’d never see a feature length animation about this weird post-apocalyptic world, and we’re all going to be dead before they get desperate enough for comic books material that James Gunn makes this part of whatever he’s got stewing over there, so I’m glad that this ride exists to be taken.
This was the first of these shorts that I watched, as it was one that I found online and worried it would be scrubbed before I got the chance to watch it. This short features characters from the comic team “The Losers,” which was a collection of previously unrelated WWII characters brought together into a single unit in 1969 in an issue of G.I. Combat, a DC war comics anthology that ran for over thirty years, from 1952 to 1987. There was Navajo pilot Johnny Cloud (here voiced by Martin Sensmeier), who always destroys his planes after a mission, Gunner and Sarge (both voiced by Dave B. Mitchell), two “mud-marines,” accompanied by their white German Shepherd in the Pacific Theater, and Captain William Storm, a one-legged PT Boat captain who had previously helmed his own self-titled series from 1964 to 1967. There was also a single issue character named Henry “Mile-a-Minute” Jones, who appears here in this film, voiced by Eugene Byrd. Following their initial “team-up,” The Losers went on to become the main feature of Our Fighting Forces, yet another DC war anthology that ran from 1954 to 1978.
There’s not much to this one. The short, which runs about 13 minutes, features the above-mentioned characters being tasked with infiltrating an island that has seen the sudden appearance of several dinosaurs, aided by Chinese intelligence agent Fan Long (Ming-Na Wen). After a couple of close calls, including Storm being grabbed by the leg and appearing to be in imminent mortal danger in the mouth of a T. Rex, the group comes upon a research camp next to an anomaly that Fan identifies as a “laceration,” a rift in time through which the dinosaurs have made their way. After a few actions that demonstrate that Fan is willing to risk the lives of her companions in order to complete her mission, it’s discovered that she already killed the research team, and she confirms that she was sent by her government to find a way to harness the power of the laceration, which could yield power even greater than that of the in-development atomic bomb. In what I suppose would be a twist for the viewer familiar with The Losers, Cloud plans to fly a plane into the rift to destroy it, only to be relieved by Storm, who sacrifices himself instead, so Cloud doesn’t lose this particular plane. It’s thin on just about everything, and there’s not much to write home about here.
The last of the independent shorts to be released to date, Blue Beetle is a cute throwback to the Hanna Barbera animation of the 70s, and could easily be slotted into a block of Superfriends without being noticeably different from the cartoon segments that surround it, other than its humor being too self-aware to truly blend in. Blue Beetle is not Jaime Reyes here but Ted Kord (Matt Lanter), who teams with conspiracy theorist The Question (David Kaye) while investigating a diamond theft at the hands of the Squid Gang, so named because of their suits that feature suckers which allow them to climb the outside of buildings for their heists. The two do some goofy detective work, as they find a chemical at the crime scene that is only found in a now-defunct soda that was discontinued because it contained too much caffeine. Using the penny from the take-a-penny-leave-a-penny tray at one of the last places still selling old soda stock, they trace it to the lair of the villain who has hired the Squids, a “Doctor Spectro” (Tom Kenny) who plans to use the diamond for his mind control ray. In the meantime, he’s been able to get some traction in the brainwashing sphere through the use of the soda, which includes bringing heroes Captain Atom and Nightshade under his sway. The Question is able to get through to Captain Atom long enough for him to use his powers to turn the soda into its own antidote, releasing him and Nightshade from Spectro’s thrall, although he manages to escape to sow villainy another day. And hey, Blue Beetle made a friend!
There’s a moment in this one where the entire fourth wall is demolished, as Blue Beetle and The Question face off against Atom and Nightshade, to which he replies that they shouldn’t be enemies as “[they]’re all Charlton Comics characters,” pulling out a comic book and showing it to the others. Charlton was one of many smaller comics publishers that DC bought out before folding that imprint’s characters into their larger comics canon. Long ago, Alan Moore was tasked with penning a miniseries that would incorporate the Charlton characters into DC proper and ended up creating Watchmen, one of the most important and groundbreaking comics ever published, although by the time it hit print the characters had changed. Blue Beetle became Owlman, The Question became Rorschach, Captain Atom became Dr. Manhattan, and Nightshade become Silk Spectre. As a result, this one plays out a bit like the Watchmen Babies bit from The Simpsons, albeit as more of a Saturday morning cartoon that you might catch between Partridge Family 2200 A.D. and Jabberjaw (although, come to think of it, we kind of have an 80s version of that as well). It’s a loving parody of that which it mocks, right down to the repeated animation (Nightshade kicks Beetle in the same animation cycle at three different points in their scuffle), and its jokes mostly land, with Beetle trying and failing to pretend that he’s not Ted Kord when The Question sees right through him being a great repeating gag. A strong finish for this series of shorts, and one worth seeking out.
Constantine: The House of Mystery, released 2022 as the feature presentation on a Showcases Round-Up DVD
Technically, this is the last thing that was released as part of the DCAMU (I am so tired of typing that acronym). Taking place immediately after Constantine sends Flash back in time to reset the timeline, Constantine finds himself once again in the “House of Mystery,” where he opens a door to find his lover Zatanna and several of his old friends enjoying a meal, which is then interrupted by the appearance of two little moppets, a boy and a girl, who greet him as their father. This idyllic moment quickly turns to horror, however, as they begin to cough up blood, before the other adults in the room turn into demonic horrors who rip him apart, only for him to once again wake up in the same hallway in the House of Mystery, enter another room, and have another situation in which he is loved and appreciated turn into a bloodbath. He’s stuck in a Groundhog Day loop of horror, for centuries according to his monologue, and while he learns from each iteration how to more quickly escape his fate and avoid pitfalls, it always ends in his death. He only manages to finally break free when he allows a demon to whom he has sold his soul to find out where he is, so that when said demon, Nergal, comes to claim him, he must face off against two other demons with whom Constantine has made the same bargain. Escaping in the ensuing chaos, Constantine comes face to face with The Spectre, who reveals to John that his meddling with the universe by trying to create another Flashpoint has made the universe itself angry at him, and that Spectre had put him in the House of Mystery not as imprisonment for his meddling but to hide Constantine from the universe’s wrath. The irony is that Constantine was supposed to be able to spend eternity in the House with his loved ones in heaven-like bliss, but John’s self-hatred was so powerful that his mind refused to accept paradise and turned it into an endless hell. As John is dragged away by forces unknown, Spectre sadly intones: “Woe to you, John Constantine.”
Writing that description out, I almost gave this one an extra half star after deciding on three after my initial viewing. The problem is that this one is a fascinating story with a pretty thin premise, and even at a mere twenty-six minutes, runs a little too long. This one could easily have been another ten minute miracle like The Spectre or Phantom Stranger, but instead, the looping deaths drag on a bit. I understand the idea that, for us to believe that John would allow for his soul debtors to come looking for him as his last ditch attempt to get out of his personal hell, we have to see him make a few failed attempts at escape. I also understand that the length of time that we spend watching him is part of the point, but its runtime works against it. Like the mediocre Return of Black Adam that was pushed out to 20+ minutes when it would have functioned better by keeping the leanness of the other Showcase shorts, this one ends up being less bang for more buck. The need to make this the cornerstone and selling point of a DVD release with other shorts is probably the reason for this, which is just another example of DC shooting itself in the foot via its need to market these. Alas.
I’ve actually really loved the version of John Constantine that this little film subseries has pulled off, and with City of Demons as one of the highlights. The need to revisit the end of Justice League Dark robs that previous film of some of the strength in its ending, and the continuation lessens both the dour finality and optimistic possibility of a new world. On the other hand, that matters a lot less to me than the chance at one more character study of John Constantine. Just as I liked the tragic ending of City of Demons, one more look into the life and mind of this character, and the revelation that his self-hatred is so deep and powerful that it robbed him of the chance of eternal happiness but also happiness for eternity is heady and wonderful. It’s just too bad that it takes too long to get there.
This is not my time of year. While every multiplex in town is overbooked with screenings of four-quadrant crowd-pleasers like Wicked: Part 1, Moana 2, and Gladiator 2, my e-mail inbox is overflowing with FYC screeners for the critical favs that premiered at festivals months ago but distributors have held back for optimal last-minute Oscar buzz. Neither option is especially appealing to me, personally, as most of my favorite new releases tend to be the high-style, low-profile genre titles that quietly trickle into local arthouse cinemas during the first half of the year, playing to mostly empty rooms. Still, I make an effort to catch up with what hipper, higher-minded critics single out as The Best Movies of the Year, mostly as an effort to stay informed but also somewhat as an effort to not waste my time & money on the corporate IP currently clogging up American marquees. It’s during this holiday-season FYC ritual that I’m most often confronted with my most hated & feared cinematic enemies: Subtlety, Nuance, and Restraint. It’s also when I watch the most capital-A Acting, since these tend to be projects greenlit & distributed with the intent of stirring up awards buzz for a particular performer on the poster. If there’s any one theme to the trio of FYC screeners I happened to watch over Thanksgiving break, it’s that they were all easy-to-watch dramas about difficult-to-handle people, each highlighting the acting talents of their headlining performers by allowing them to get socially & emotionally messy onscreen without other cinematic distractions getting the way – petty details like dynamic, daring cinematography and editing, the art of the moving image.
If you’re ever in the mood to watch a movie that values acting over any other cinematic concern, you can always look to actors-turned-directors to scratch that itch. Jesse Eisenberg’s second directorial work, A Real Pain, is a two-hander acting showcase for himself and screen partner Kieran Culkin, who are both good enough in the movie that it’s been in The Awards Conversation for almost a full year since it first premiered at Sundance. Jesse Eisenberg stars as a Jesse Eisenberg type: a nervous New Yorker who can barely finish a conversational sentence without having a panic attack. Kieran Culkin is his socially volatile cousin: a bi-polar timebomb who breaks every unspoken social convention imaginable while still managing to charm every stranger he meets. Structurally, the film is a travel story about the cousins’ journey to Poland to reconnect with their Jewish heritage in the wake of their grandmother’s recent death, which leads to a lot of solemn sightseeing at major sites of The Holocaust. From scene to scene, however, it functions as a darkly, uncomfortably funny comedy about two men who love each other very much but have incompatible mental illnesses that make it impossible for them to share a room. No one wants to hear their Awards Season drama described as a breezy, 90min Sundance dramedy about The Holocaust, but that’s exactly the movie that Eisenberg made. A Real Pain‘s saving grace, then, is the strength of the performances the two central actors deliver as absurdly difficult people. Culkin’s social brashness and emotional volatility makes his difficulty more immediately apparent, but Eisenberg gives himself plenty of room to do his Nervous Fella schtick as much as possible. It’s an anxious archetype that Culkin’s character aptly describes as “an awesome guy stuck inside the body of someone who’s always running late.”
Marielle Heller is another actor-turned-director who has made empathy for difficult characters a core tenet of her artistry, most successfully in Can You Ever Forgive Me? and The Diary of a Teenage Girl. Her new adaptation of the Rachel Yoder novel Nightbitch doesn’t reach far beyond that search for empathetic cheerleading, though, and the movie is mostly a dud as a result. Amy Adams stars as a visual artist who has put her creative pursuits aside to raise a child while her husband travels for work. Spending weeks in isolation with only her young child for company, she loses her adult social skills and essentially goes feral, convincing herself that she is physically transforming into a dog. Suppressing her artist’s spirit to play housewife breaks her brain, causing her to hallucinate monstrous canine hair, tail, and nipple growth in the mirror and to act out wildly in public (barking, stealing food off strangers’ plates, dressing her son in a leash, etc.). Where her internal fantasy of motherhood bringing out her most animalistic traits ends and her external, real-life social misbehavior begins is intentionally kept vague, as Heller is more concerned with seeing the world through her protagonist’s color-blind eyes than with constructing genuine, heartfelt drama. Nightbitch is conceptually amusing as a body-horror metaphor for how motherhood physically & mentally transforms you, but it’s pretty lackluster in execution, especially as a page-to-screen adaptation. There are long stretches of narration in which Adams recites passages from Yoder’s book, as if Heller’s relationship with the material was more admiration than inspiration. She’s so concerned with landing its political jabs about gendered, invisible domestic labor that she forgot to make its characters feel like real people, so the whole thing ends up hollow & phony no matter how committed Adams’s performance is as the titular Nightbitch. It should’ve been an audiobook.
Mike Leigh did not start his career as an actor, but he does have a career-long history as a stage theatre director, which is a very actorly profession. That background heavily informs the sparse, minimalist approach to familial drama in his new film Hard Truths, which sits with its characters’ interpersonal conflicts rather than resolving them. As the most difficult person of all in this triple feature, Marianne Jean-Baptiste stars as a middle-aged grump who wages a one-woman war against the “smiling, cheerful people” of the world for 100 relentlessly sour minutes, including her own loving sister. Her performance is intensely funny and bitter, as she finds so much to complain about every second she is awake that she cannot even sit comfortably in her own home without obsessing over the activities of the pigeons, foxes, and bugs outside the window. There are multiple scenes that start with her gasping in horror at the sensation of waking up from a nap, and her nonstop tirades against the waking world’s many offenses leads to the highest incredulous-teeth-sucking-per-minute ratio I’ve ever seen in a movie as her audience is held hostage by her hostility. Meanwhile, a softly droning violin draws out the pathos of her pathological misery, especially in scenes where her much better adjusted sister gently attempts to diffuse her anger. Leigh pays careful attention to the social & economic circumstances of the sisters’ past that would’ve burdened one with awareness of the world’s wretchedness while leaving the other unscathed, but most of the thematic & emotional impact of the picture is achieved through the forcefulness of Jean-Baptiste’s performance, which is exactly how all of these movies work, even the lesser ones.
If any of these movies indulge in the Subtlety, Nuance, and Restraint that torment me during the Awards Season screener deluge every year, it’s Hard Truths, which is what makes it so unfortunate that it’s the best of this batch. If all of the cinematic value of a picture is going to be invested in the difficulty & thorniness of a central performance, that performance might as well reach for the extremity of Marianne Jeanne-Baptiste’s, which is a cinematic spectacle in and of itself. The problem with Amy Adams, Kieran Culkin, and Jesse Eisenberg’s performances—if there is one—is that you always get the sense that their respective directors need you to like their characters, so they’re careful not to push their difficult-person conflicts far enough to abandon the audience. Mike Leigh is fearless in that respect, even if he restrains himself elsewhere. Marianne Jean-Baptiste’s hopeless grump is somewhat lovable as a movie character, but you wouldn’t want to be in the same room as her for ten consecutive minutes, whereas you could easily imagine yourself splitting a bottle of wine with Adams, Culkin, or Eisenberg’s grumps to hear more of their side of things. If I’m going to watch a low-key movie about a high-maintenance individual, I’d prefer that character to be as high-maintenance as possible. Make them a real pain, a real bitch – a really, truly difficult person.
There are few genres cozier than the talking-heads documentary about a subject you already love. It’s like switching your brain off to reality TV, except you get the vague feeling that it’s somehow good for you. In my case, I love kicking back to talking-heads docs about vintage smut – the kinds of movies that exist solely for Boomers to wax nostalgic on-camera about how grimy New York City was before Mayor Giuliani ruined everything. This year has seen the wide-release of two notable documentaries in that specific cozy-viewing category: Queen of the Deuce and Carol Doda Topless at the Condor. Split between opposite ends of the US coast, they both cover the professional lives & exploits of women who became infamous sex-industry titans of the 1960s & 70s. One’s about a stripper, one’s about a porno distributor, and both were great low-effort watches to enjoy with a warm cup of tea on my couch.
Unsurprisingly, the more famous of the two women was profiled in the better documentary of the pair, as her talent for publicity left more archival material behind for her biographers to work with. Carol Doda Topless at the Condor is a glowing portrait of “The Queen of Topless,” America’s first topless dancer. A woman of many professional aliases, Carol Doda was first publicized as “The Girl on the Floating Piano,” since she was the only dancer brave enough to do her go-go routine on the Condor night club’s hydraulically lifted & lowered piano. She then transformed San Francisco’s striptease scene forever by being the first dancer brave enough to perform in the “monokini” (a topless swimsuit) and, thus, kickstarting “the topless craze” that made the city a global tourist destination for vice entertainment. Her first topless performance also happened to coincide with San Francisco hosting that year’s Republican National Convention, which allows the movie to argue that the city’s strip club scene was an epicenter of 1960s Civil Rights activism, while also shamelessly indulging in the vintage softcore of Russ Meyer’s America. Carol Doda Topless at the Condor is overflowing with smutty stock footage, interview clips, rock & roll performances, and mafia-connected murder conspiracies involving the infamous Floating Piano. It’s got everything a bored pervert could want; it just doesn’t break any cinematic conventions delivering it.
Queen of the Deuce is not so fortunate. Its subject, Chelly Wilson, was more of a behind-the-scenes player on the NYC porno theatre circuit, so you can only catch direct glimpses of her in home-video footage and a single tape-recorded interview. When you hit the 2D animation in the first few minutes of the documentary, you might panic that there’s not enough archival material to justify a feature, but it is worth sticking around to get to know the singular Wilson . . . in other people’s words. Queen of the Deuce is a real-life girlboss story about a Greek lesbian Holocaust survivor who became an unlikely porno magnate in 1970s NYC. She worked her way up from importing Greek romances & comedies that reminded fellow immigrants of home to producing & screening hardcore pornography in cinemas like the all-male venue The Adonis (immortalized in the Golden Age porno A Night at The Adonis). Her life is retold as a flip through her family photo album, with her grandchildren fondly reminiscing about the long climb up the porno-theatre stairs to grandma’s apartment and listening in on the “cabal of Greek witches” who would chain-smoke there – some of them lovers, all of them friends. It’s not an especially impressive movie and it can barely drag itself across the finish line of a feature-length runtime, but it’s a warmly pleasant watch, especially if you’re the kind of audience who perks up in your chair when an interviewee drops names like Jamie Gillis, Al Goldstein, and Gerard Damiano.
Although Carol Doda Topless at the Condor was the better, more energetic documentary of the pair, I still got great cozy feelings from the vintage smut of Queen of the Deuce. It may not have had the bottomless wealth of archival clips to work with as its West Coast counterpart, but it did have me reaching for my notebook more often to write down the titles of other vintage schlock to check out later, most notably a pantyhose-fetish roughie Wilson produced titled Scarf of Mist, Thigh of Satin and a vampire comedy her grandson filmed inside The Adonis titled Gargoyle and Goblin (which sadly appears to have only ever screened once at the NYU Student Film Fest). As cinema in their own right, neither film is especially daring or groundbreaking; they both fall into the rigid template of the standard talking-heads doc without many bells & tassels getting in the way. Their entire goal is to introduce you to badass women who briefly held power in small corners of the traditionally macho sex industry, so that they are not forgotten to time. It is indeed a pleasure getting to know them, even if a simple one.
Welcome to Episode #227 of The Swampflix Podcast. For this episode, Hanna, James, Britnee and Brandon discuss a grab bag of movies about women who reinvent themselves with made-up identities, starting with the 1966 Lana Turner drama Madame X.
00:00 Welcome
01:31 Hot Frosty (2024) 05:25 Mother’s Instinct (2024) 07:33 Endless Love (1981) 11:22 My Old Ass (2024) 18:30 Out of the Blue (1980) 24:16 The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978)
31:00 Madame X (1966) 55:00 A Woman’s Face (1938) 1:12:22 Sleeping with the Enemy (1991) 1:30:07 The Last Seduction (1994)
Welcome to The Not-So-New 52, your digital Swampflix comic book (adaptation) newsstand! Starting in 2007, DC Comics and Warner Premiere entered the direct-to-home-video market with animated features, mostly in the form of adaptations of well-received event comics or notable arcs. This Swampflix feature takes its name from the 2011 DC relaunch event “The New 52,” and since there are (roughly) fifty-two of these animated features as of the start of 2024, Boomeris watching them in order from the beginning with weekly reviews of each. So, get out your longboxes and mylar sleeves and get ready for weekly doses of grousing, praise, befuddlement, recommendations, and occasional onomatopoeia as we get animated for over fifteen years of not-so-new comic cartoons.
When I first started this project, I knew that I would eventually have to watch these shorts in addition to the features in order to hit that magic number, 52. At that time, the streaming service formerly known as HBO Max still hosted just about every DC project ever made, as a result of Warner Bros. folding the DC Universe service into HBO. All of these shorts were available there, until they were slowly offboarded from the service. Never forget what they, and by “they” I mean David Zaslav, took from you. Most of these were only released as special additions to the DVDs of the feature films, which meant that tracking them all down proved no small feat. Ironically, although I have no issue with the wider internet at large knowing that I will soon have watched all of these films, I’m not exactly hot to expose this side of myself to the ubercool clerks at my local video rental. Somehow, we got there.
This short film, clocking in at just twelve minutes, is a strong start for this project. The Spectre features the voice of Gary Cole in the role of Jim Corrigan, an LAPD detective who inserts himself into the investigation into the death of a film producer. It’s not his case, as the assigned detectives and his chief remind him, but he has a vested interest in the case as the producer’s daughter Aimee (Alyssa Milano) is an old flame of his. His boss tells him to instead investigate the strange deaths of the suspects in the case of the producer’s death. The list of enemies is fairly long, but the potential motive of a few of them relates to not being hired for the guy’s most recent production. The first of these is a special effects man whose own macabre creations are animated by a spectral (naturally) being called The Spectre, an avenging spirit. The second suspect is killed while trying to flee to Mexico, as The Spectre forces him to flip his vehicle and, when he miraculously lives, repairs the vehicle supernaturally and has it run down its owner, Christine style. Finally, Corrigan confronts Aimee directly and accuses her of involvement in her father’s death, and when she manages to distract him long enough to pull out a gun, her shots pass through him without effect. Corrigan reveals that he is The Spectre, before avenging Aimee’s father by surrounding her with a cyclone composed of the money she was paid by the two dead men in order to give them the security code so that they could slip in and kill her father, killing her with a thousand cuts before the police arrive on the scene as Corrigan departs, unnoticed by the living people whom he passes by (and through) before driving away.
This is a neat one! A sly little horror story/renegade cop pastiche that features seventies style funk music and some genuinely creepy sequences. The Spectre himself is effectively scary, and his sense of punishment-by-irony is fun. The sequence set in the special effects warehouse allows the animators to go wild, as the SFX guy gets attacked by Dracula, the Wolfman, and even a (similar-to-but-legally-distinct-from) possessed Reagan animatronic, which dutifully vomits on him. The sequence in the desert in which the second suspect meets his fate is also a lot of fun, calling to mind the classic Twilight Zone episode “The Hitch-Hiker” as The Spectre’s sudden appearance in the car in the guilty man’s rearview mirror, and he proves an unshakeable avenging force. Even the death of Aimee is brutal, even if it’s mostly offscreen, as she screams to her dying breath before the windows of her father’s sleek Beverly Hills MCM mansion are coated in her blood. This short form really allows the animation team to go all in on something that would be unsustainable for a feature length film (even one that only clocks in at around only 80 minutes like most of these do) and focus on a character who would be a hard sell for a solo outing. Of these movies, over a third of them are Batman flicks, and it’s not because there were simply so many of these stories that demanded to be told; it’s purely a matter of marketing, because the Batbrand sells. The Spectre … not so much. This is the perfect bite-size story for the character and to give the team the chance to work on something different and weird. You can probably trace a clear line from this one to the darker, more horror-oriented flavor of later outings like Justice League Dark and City of Demons. Worth a watch.
Another strong early showing for these shorts. There’s not a huge demand for a full-length Jonah Hex animated film (hell, there wasn’t a market for the live action feature, which came out the same year), so one of these shorts was the right call to tell a little western story. In the animation, an outlaw named Red Doc shows up to a saloon, drunken and boisterous, and claims that he can outdraw any man in the place. The saloon’s proprietor, Madame Lorraine (Linda Hamilton) invites him up to her bedroom, and once he’s comfortable, she kills him, robs his corpse, and has two henchmen dispose of the body. The next day, bounty hunter Jonah Hex arrives in town on the trail of Red Doc, but the bartender at the saloon claims to have never seen the man when presented with his “wanted” poster. A bar girl (Michelle Trachtenberg) tells him that Madame Lorraine sometimes takes men up to her parlor, men who are never seen again; Hex allows Lorraine to see his billfold so that she invites him to her boudoir as well, but he knocks her out and takes care of her henchmen. When she awakes, Hex forces her to take him to the abandoned mine that she and her flunkies have turned into a mass grave pit, and Hex retrieves Red’s body to collect his bounty and leaves Lorraine in the hole with the evidence of her crime.
Jane is doing great voice work here with Hex. He’s such a passionate fan of the character that he petitioned to play the lead in the ill-fated live action adaptation by getting a make-up artist to give him Hex’s trademark scarred face to audition for the role, losing out to Josh Brolin, so he’s bringing his A-game here to make up for it, and it shows. Hamilton’s aged rasp lends a lot of gravitas to her frontier serial killer character, and our innate association as an audience of her voice with Sarah Connor means that her world-weariness comes naturally to mind. Although this one lacks the overt horror elements of The Spectre, there’s a creep factor to it that makes this more of a “weird west” than a standard saddle-and-spurs bounty hunter story. The final images that we see of Lorraine, surrounded by the rotting corpses of her victims as her lamp slowly dies, is chilling, and it’s interesting to note that the animation team behind this studio was willing to put in such good work on something that was destined to be seen by very few people (I’ve had Under the Red Hood on DVD for years and never even considered watching this short, which was bundled with it, until this project). I might be giving too much away about when I’m writing about this, but alongside The Spectre, this one would make a great addition to a playlist of spooky season shorts.
It’s very strange to hear Green Arrow voiced by Neal McDonough. The first piece of his work that comes to mind (after this role in Star Trek: First Contact, of course) is his longtime role as DC villain Damien Darhk in the CW TV series universe, where he first appeared as the primary antagonist on Arrow in that show’s fourth season before becoming an antagonist on Legends of Tomorrow. It’s also interesting that this one, which is a little lackluster in comparison to the previous two, is directed by the same person, Joaquim Dos Santos. After this, he mostly spent time focused on TV projects (notably working on every episode of Legend of Korra in some capacity) before he went on to become one of the co-directors of Across the Spider-Verse last year.
This short features Oliver “Green Arrow” Queen trying to get to the airport to pick up his girlfriend, Dinah “Black Canary” Lance, fiddling with an engagement ring in his pocket. He faces some difficulty in getting there on time as he’s fighting traffic that’s the result of a visit from royalty, the child princess of Vlatava, Perdita (Ariel Winter). It’s fortunate for her that he’s there, as he assists in the foiling of an assassination attempt, but the sheer number of snipers and goons forces him to protect her as they try to escape from them. As it turns out, Perdita’s father died the night before, making her the heir apparent to the throne and the only thing preventing her uncle, Count Vertigo, from ascending instead. Vertigo has hired the villainous archer Merlyn (Malcolm McDowell) to take out Perdita, and although Arrow has faced him before and been bested by him every time, he’s been practicing.
This one is serviceable, but nothing to get too excited about. I wouldn’t be surprised if Dos Santos was simply spread too thin, having to get all three of these first few shorts out, all for release in one calendar year. This one was penned by Greg Weisman, who I wrote about more extensively in my review of Catwoman: Hunted, and if you’re a Young Justice fan, Weisman has stated that this short is (essentially) in the same canon, so that may make it worth your while.
Superman/Shazam!: The Return of Black Adam (2010), released only in the DC Showcase Original Shorts Collection
This one is pretty rote. Orphan boy Billy Batson (Zach Callison, of Steven Universe fame) is living in a rundown slum after being kicked out of his foster home by his abusive parents, and he’s the runtiest of the street kids so he’s a target for bullies. The closest thing he has to a friend is Clark Kent (George Newbern), who is writing a series of articles about the boy’s struggles. When Billy is attacked by the supervillain Black Adam (Arnold Vosloo), Superman is thus close at hand to rescue him. From there, he gets an infodump from a mysterious wizard who tells him that Black Adam was once the wizard’s champion and had then been corrupted, forcing the wizard to banish him to a distant place, so far that he has spent the last 5000 years returning for his revenge. The wizard bestows his powers on Billy and tells him to speak the name “Shazam,” and you know how this goes from here. Billy turns into the adult superhero Shazam, he and Superman team up and defeat Black Adam, and he chooses to turn back into his human form and age into dust instantly rather than be banished again. And, of course, Billy gets to turn the tables on his bullies as Shazam, much in the vein of Bastian at the end of The NeverEnding Story.
There’s nothing special about this one, I’m afraid. It’s serviceable, but not special. The only thing interesting about it is, perhaps, that this features both a previous Superman voice actor reprising the role (Newbern had previously voiced the role on Justice League and Justice League Unlimited, and would later reprise the role further in Superman vs. The Elite and Justice League vs. The Fatal Five) and one who would play the character in the future (Jerry O’Connell, who voices Batson’s superheroic alter ego Shazam, would portray him in all of the so-called DCAMU movies). The animation is up to par, and the narrative is sufficient. Not exactly high praise, but this one may set the tone of the exact median of quality of this whole franchise overall. Perfectly balanced, not that interesting.
This one is unusual in that, unlike the others on this list, it was intended to be a tie-in to the film with which it was released. Eliza Dushku reprises her role as Selina “Catwoman” Kyle from Year One, this time on the trail of a Gotham heavy with diamond teeth called Rough Cut (John DiMaggio). After his thugs, trying to kill a cat, chase the poor thing over the edge of a bridge, it’s revealed that the cat was rescued by Selena, who recognizes the ornate collar the cat is wearing. She tracks Rough Cut down to a strip club, where a dancer named Buttermilk Skye (Tara Strong), who gets a diamond from Rough Cut as a tip, is warned by fellow stripper Lily (Cree Summer) that another girl got the same tip the week before, and no one has seen her recently. Catwoman appears through the back door and convinces the ladies to take a break, whereupon she takes the stage in her latex get-up, to much enthusiasm. Even her whip-cracking is appreciated, at least until she starts taking out Rough Cut’s lackeys. He escapes her, leading to a prolonged chase sequence that ultimately ends with the gangster driving off of Gotham pier in a hook truck, taking out the ship that was arriving to take on his latest shipment: trafficked women. One of them is a friend of Selena’s who returns her bracelet to her as the rescued women are tended by paramedics.
Catwoman is … weird. It’s not bad, per se, but much of it feels more like late night 90s softcore than anything else. Lauren Montgomery was the director on this one, having previously directed First Flight and Crisis on Two Earths, and having been a storyboard artist on Under the Red Hood and All Star-Superman, so she’d worked on pretty much all of these projects that I enjoyed until she left this franchise in 2016. It’s an unusually cheesecake-y product for her, although given that she’s spent so much of her career working on these superhero franchises, maybe she just wanted to direct a short film that’s twenty-five percent stripping. The work is impressive; Buttermilk and Selena both move with lithe, athletic grace, which I assume is pretty difficult to capture in a short that was budgeted as the add-on to a DVD that was already destined to haunt CVSes all over the country for the next fifteen years. But it’s also intended to capture sexiness for an audience that I am not a part of, so I mostly spent that time waiting for the scene to move on. At least when Tony Soprano and the boys are at the Bada Bing, there’s some narrative happening. I recently put on a David DeCoteau film in the background for some housework (it was Brotherhood II: Young Warlocks, if you must know, because of Sean Faris), and there were so many lingering scenes of swimming pools, locker rooms, and shirtless football tossing in that one. Those sequences exist solely because those movies are just material that you can fap to but also have on the shelf in your mid-aughts dorm room without having to come out to your roommate. Maybe the problem is just that I’ve never understood erotic animation, which this very much is, but I’ve honestly dwelt on it for so long that it’s starting to feel strange, so I’ll just say: to each their own. The chase sequence that follows is pretty good, and the dock setpiece works, but overall, this one didn’t leave much of an impression.
This was the hardest one of these to find. Most of them were available online to stream or download on the grey market, but for Sgt. Rock I had to go out and find a physical copy of Hush to watch this on. Luckily, there was a blockwide pop-up shopping experience going on outside of my local rental shop this weekend, so I was able to get in and get out with the movie without anyone paying too much mind to my renting of something so embarrassing. And, since I was only able to rent a BluRay copy, that also meant fighting with my extremely finicky machine just to get it to play (tweezers were involved).
This short stars Karl Urban as the titular army sergeant, who awakens in a hospital after his squad is killed in the line of duty in WWII. A superior officer tasks him with taking leadership over a small group of “unusual” soldiers to take out a Nazi base that intelligence reports indicate houses a facility that is in the middle of creating a doomsday device. Said group turns out to be the “Creature Commandos,” a trio of monster dudes: a wolfman, a Nosferatu-esque vampire named Velcoro, and a reanimated Frankenstein(’s monster). On the mission, they manage to enter the facility and discover a full Frankensteinian reanimation set-up, which the re-alived private sets out to destroy. As it turns out, this is the final weapon: undead, reanimated troops made up of the fallen enemy, with the first successes having been Rock’s previous squad, who attack their former leader and his current crew. Rock’s current forces emerge victorious, and when the Nazi major on-site teases Rock that he knows that they must be taken as captives as Rock must have been ordered to bring them in alive so that the U.S. could incorporate this research into their own war effort, Rock allows Velcoro to drain the Nazi scientists dry: “Bottoms up.”
Again, I might be giving away too much about how far in advance I am working on this project, but this strikes me as a perfect little Halloween short, and would work great in a mini-screening with The Spectre and Jonah Hex, although it beats the hell out of me how you’re going to get ahold of this short and somehow get it onto a playlist for you and your friends. I had no idea what I was going into with this one, and when it started, I was immediately bored by yet another scene of soldiers engaged in infantry fighting, but this is really only the prologue until we get to the good stuff, like a wolfman devouring Nazi soldiers and a vampire turning into a bat so that he can fly over a wall and open the reinforced door from the other side. This is the first of these shorts that I think would have really benefited from being extended to a feature length, as this was a pretty fun little ride.
Another little spooky short, this one both sweet and near and dear to my heart. Neil Gaiman’s Sandman is my favorite comic book series of all time, and my favorite character within it (after Delirium) is Death, a personification of the concept and a member of “The Endless.” The Endless are not gods; they existed before mankind dreamt of gods, and are as old as the universe itself. First came Destiny, who was born alongside existence, as existence required Destiny to, well, exist. With the first living things came Destiny’s sister Death, as life does not exist without Death; she was followed by Sandman’s title character Dream, whose existence was necessitated when the first living thing to dream did so. (And so on and so forth.) Death was presented in Sandman as a perky goth lady, which has become a huge influence on the idea in pop culture and in real life, and some of my favorite stories from that series revolve around her (notably issues #43, “Brief Lives pt. 3,” and #20, “Façade,” which is my favorite Sandman story of all). It’s weird to see her being written by someone other than Gaiman, but this one was penned by J.M. DeMatteis, who had written the screenplays for Justice League Dark and City of Demons at this point, so his spooky DC credentials were already demonstrated.
Death follows a man named Vincent Omata (Leonardo Nam), a painter who never made it. Despite his love for making art from his youth, he was discouraged by his father as well as his art school professors —one of whom told him that he had no real talent for art and should consider transferring to the university’s dental school program. As an adult, he now finds himself unable to keep a job painting gates, as in, covering the entrance gate to Arkham Asylum in a new coat of paint rather than painting landscapes with such fixtures within them. His various personal demons appear to him in the guise of fiery specters that take the shape of people who have discouraged him, speaking the harsh words to him once again. After a chance encounter with a cute goth girl who gives him her top hat, she reappears later when he sparks up a cigarette to warn him that “Those things will kill [him],” and he offers to show her his artwork. He asks if he can paint her portrait, and he does; however, even realizing that he must have worked all through the night and it should be morning, he notices that the sun has not yet risen. In reality, Vincent has died, having fallen asleep with a lit cigarette, and that the woman he has painted, Death, has shown him a kind of tenderness by stopping the night from passing until he could complete one last work of art, one that he can be proud of. He begs her not to let the painting burn, and as she takes his hand to lead him to the door that opens into whatever comes after life, she does ensure that the portrait he painted of her survives, leaving it behind in the charred ruins of his apartment like that viral Stanley cup that survived the Kia Sorento fire.
This is another entry in the horror-adjacent shorts that form this sub-franchise, but one that focuses less on fright than on the only thing that all humans share: the inevitability of death. Like Sandman before it, the short chooses to imagine Death not as an end, but a transition, and not as something to fear, but as something to accept. It’s a lovely little story, and, if you’re only ever going to see one of these, this is the one to catch.
For this lagniappe episode of The Swampflix Podcast, Boomer, Brandon, and Alli discuss the Romanian gig-economy comedy Do Not Expect Too Much from the End of the World (2024).
02:46 Heretic (2024) 08:08 Wicked – Part 1 (2024) 20:07 Noirvember 22:08 High Sierra (1941) 26:17 Human Desire (1954) 30:52 Coma (2024) 34:48 Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024) 38:25 Am I OK? (2024) 42:31 The Apprentice (2024) 45:12 The Last Showgirl (2024) 47:21 The End (2024) 52:01 A Different Man (2024) 56:04 Carol Doda Topless at the Condor (2024) 58:32 Queen of the Deuce (2024) 1:00:31 A Real Pain (2024) 1:02:59 Nightbitch (2024) 1:05:07 Hard Truths (2024)
1:07:52 Do Not Expect Too Much from the End of the World (2024)
Welcome to The Not-So-New 52, your digital Swampflix comic book (adaptation) newsstand! Starting in 2007, DC Comics and Warner Premiere entered the direct-to-home-video market with animated features, mostly in the form of adaptations of well-received event comics or notable arcs. This Swampflix feature takes its name from the 2011 DC relaunch event “The New 52,” and since there are (roughly) fifty-two of these animated features as of the start of 2024, Boomeris watching them in order from the beginning with weekly reviews of each. So, get out your longboxes and mylar sleeves and get ready for weekly doses of grousing, praise, befuddlement, recommendations, and occasional onomatopoeia as we get animated for over fifteen years of not-so-new comic cartoons.
I’ve seen the first fifteen minutes of this movie a few times now. It’s not boring, really, but it was something that I just kept trying to watch in the late hours when I didn’t feel like expending the effort to think about what to watch, so I would often put it on and then fall asleep. Now that I’ve managed to make it all the way through, it’s another solid but unexceptional entry in this franchise. And man, this period of films sure does have a hard-on for Solomon Grundy, don’t they?
After a pre-credits opening in which teenaged Kara Zor-El (Meg Donnelly) learns from her mother that she has been accepted to the “military guild” on the same day that Krypton is destroyed, she escapes in the only working pod, only to be knocked off course. When we catch up to the present day, Kara—still a teenager even though her infant cousin has now grown up and become Superman because of her pod having taken longer to reach Earth—is having trouble adjusting to life on our planet. Everything is technologically inferior in a way that isolates her. When she attempts to stop Solomon Grundy from going on a rampage, she’s confronted by a man who is upset that her activity has resulted in wanton property damage. Batman (Jensen Ackles) pulls Superman (Darren Criss) aside and says that Kara’s impulsivity makes her dangerous, and that something has to be done about this. If that sounds familiar, it’s because it’s almost exactly the same as the beginning of Apocalypse. As in that film, the solution is to send Kara off to train elsewhere with people who are more like her; in this case, that means heading off to the 31st Century, to train at the academy of the Legion of Superheroes, a kind of interplanetary Justice League of the future. There, she’s initially smitten with Mon-El, a flying invincible hero of the Superman mold, and has an instant altercation with a man she recognizes as Brainiac, but whom she later learns is fellow legionnaire in training Brainiac 5 (Harry Shum, Jr.). A quick tour of the grounds sets the groundwork for action later in the film, including foreshadowing the presence of a vault of confiscated weapons, which is subject to a heist later in the film.
Here’s a bit of a meta-spoiler; the animation studio is going to do a massive reset of this continuity after just one more of these, a film titled Warworld. That means that this is, for all intents and purposes, the second to last in this sub-franchise. After one Superman film, a sort-of Flash movie that mostly took place in an alternate past, a king-sized Batman flick, and a Green Lantern buddy space opera, we’re on our fifth film, and we’re already leaving a lot of story potential out there on the court to be swept under the rug as having happened between movies while racing toward a reset button. That begs the question of why they would even make these as interconnected movies in the first place if that interconnection is purely a matter of branding (oops, maybe I just answered my own question there). For all its flaws and variances between the films that made it up, the DCAMU at least felt like there was a reason for it to exist, and there was some reward for following them in the form of longer character arcs. It wasn’t much, but it was something. Here, we get a few brief minutes of Superman and Batman in the present before Supergirl’s gallivanting off to the future, and a quick check-in right in the middle of Kara’s adventures in superschooling to let us know that there’s a terrorist organization that almost managed to acquire Brainiac 1’s head from the lab in which it is being studied. Other than that, there’s no reason for this to not simply be a solo Supergirl outing, or it could keep the title it has now if there’s some concern about the movie selling fewer DVDs if it’s more obviously about a woman (the poor sales of Catwoman: Hunted probably contributed to this). The target demographic of this movie is very, very concerned about cooties.
What we do have is pretty rote. The rest of the student body at Legionnaire Academy is pretty lackluster. The most impressive is a woman who can split into three (and only three) versions of herself; the rest include your normal assortment of ragtag underdogs whose uncool powers are completely useless, until they’re all working in tandem at the end and everyone gets a moment to shine. There’s a guy who can turn himself invisible (but not anything else, like his clothing), a shy “phantom girl,” a man who can inflate himself and bounce around, and everybody’s favorite actually-a-comic-book-character Arms-Fall-Off-Boy, whose arms fall off. None of them have any hope of becoming Legionnaires when they complete their training, as it’s widely agreed that superChad Mon-El has the single open position on the team locked down. For half a second I got excited that they might be teasing a Mon-El/Brainiac 5 romantic pairing, but instead we have a pretty rote story about Kara having a crush on Mon-El before her friction with Brainiac 5 turns into begrudging respect, which is itself replaced by romantic interest. Brainiac 5 is a total Spock, though, since he won’t shut up about how he’s the smartest, most logical guy in the universe; I get the appeal. There is a traitor in the ranks, though, and given that this is little more than a futuristic variation on the stock “nerds vs. jocks” plot, you can probably guess who turns out to be the mole. Turns out they’re a member of the same terrorist organization that Bats and Superman dealt with in the 21st Century, which has existed for over a thousand years now and which serves one goal: help Brainiac (1) conquer the universe. Of course the man behind everything is Brainiac; it’s always, always Brainiac. I’m so tired.
As it turns out, one of the things in the superweapon vault has the potential to rewrite existence and Brainiac wants it but even he wasn’t smart enough to bypass the security system, so he let successive generations of himself become smarter until Brainiac 5 came along, whose sense of heroism could be manipulated into opening the vault. For what it’s worth, I am giving the film an extra half star purely because Brainiac 1 shows up at the end with Brainiacs 2-4 sticking out of his lumpy flesh and crying out in pain like Monstro Elisasue, so that was fun (he’s even defeated because all of his constituent parts decide they want ultimate power for themselves, and he’s torn apart by his own absorbed clones). Some amount of world shattering wigglies do expand, which I wouldn’t normally mention, but it might be important later since we’re speedrunning toward a crisis-style reset. In the end, Supergirl and Brainiac 5 make out and get together, and the Legionnaires who were conveniently kept away from HQ while all of this was going on return home and say that they’re going to let in all of the wacky misfits, even Arms-Fall-Off Boy! The end. Is this the last we’ve seen of Brainiac? I sure hope so. Y’all can keep Sinestro, too.
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